Question:
Some people say that in order to be happy, you must have a job you love doing. Others say that other factors are more important.
Do you think that people can only be happy if they have a job they really enjoy?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Happiness is something that make people feel comfort, happy, without much problems, and they can smile every day; however every single person has own definition about it. In fact, several people argue that job is the most factor, but the majority said that more factors would be affecting the happiness.
Nowadays, people having good job give argumentation that their job can be improving rate of happiness. This is because when people enjoy their life in every activities they will feel comfort and feel that their necessity can be filled. Not only that, but also they will be free people in the world because they can get happiness when they working in appropriate job without enforcement.To instance, people who like reading and writing get job in the publisher will fell really happy, because in the work they can practice their hobby and their skill in the same time without changing their hobby with other job which they do not like.
On the other word, the majority of people believe that happy can be caused by more reasons. The factor of happiness is not only occupation, but also other factors such as, family, social relationship, entertainment, basic necessity as well. To illustrates, the people who have good social relationship more happy than other people particular solitary person, such as harmonic family, kind friends, and positive surrounding. Other case is people who can fill their basic necessity because in fact people do not happy and stressful caused by basic necessity.
To sum up, job appropriate can be affecting rate of happiness people, but on the other side there are many factors which can affecting the happiness.
273 word.
hello bams, before this I has given you my correction.
One more again please don't use more words than 265 and use simple sentences if you want a high score then don't use more 'lazy' expressions ("and so on", "etc") and you must write suitable with topic
These tips are not exhaustive but will give you some important points how to pass the IELTS Writing test with a high Band Score.
Hi, bambang! here are my comments towards your essay
Happiness is something that makemakes people feel comfort
happy,(unnecessary comma) without muchmany problems
problem is a countable noun. 'much is used for uncountable noun
... enjoy their life in every activitiesactivity they will feel comfort ...
every/each + noun singular
changing their hobby with otheranother job which they ...
other + noun plural
another + singular
... good social relationship more happyhappier than other people
