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In my opinion, managing and maintaining interpersonal relations is the most important skill nowadays


payal1982 10 / 19 5  
Jul 28, 2016   #1
What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Success is defined differently by different people. To some, success means earning huge amounts of money while others define it as being famous.In my opinion, managing and maintaining interpersonal relations is the most important skill to be successful in the world today. The fact that everything is interconnected and success is dependent on other people in terms of motivation and knowledge supports my opinion which I will explain further in the essay.

First, everything is interconnected and there is a need to be dependent on others. To achieve any goal help from different people is required throughout. The external influences have a lot to contribute even if one has perseverance and determination. For example, Steve jobs had been a successful business leader and had been renowned for his vision which revolutionized the computer industry. However, there were many others who had been a part of his journey which led him to the pinnacle of success. Whether they were engineers, dealers, marketers or friends and family, all of them supported him and shared his enthusiasm to change the tech industry. It clearly shows the interdependency on others to fulfill the desired goals. Managing and maintaining relations at personal as well as professional level not only lead one forward in the direction of their ambitions but is also a fulfilling experience. The encouragement from others along the way sparks motivation and makes one believe in thyself.

Second, learning from others adds a new perspective to one's thought process. Every successful person owe their success to mentors who provoked their thought process and helped expanding their horizons. There can be alternative solutions to a problem which is difficult to comprehend by an individual alone. Being well connected to others enriches knowledge. Learning from the mistakes of others is an added advantage. A strong relationship with different people can help one get an honest feedback for a situation or challenge. Hence learning from their experiences one can make a move accordingly. For example, Linkedin is a popular professional network wherein one can connect to business professionals and seek out help and guidance by participating in several chat groups or contacting them on individual level.

In conclusion, managing and maintaing relationships is necessary to be successful today. Help or guidance from others and learning from their mistakes enhances knowledge. It can help avoiding decisions which may not be fruitful in the long run. Success is attributed to many people in the process. External influences play a major role in attaining success.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 28, 2016   #2
Hi Payal, here's my analysis of your essay.

1st paragraph:
- To some, success means earning huge amounts of money while to someothersit is defined it as being famous. (Comma is needed to avoid ambiguity. Also, I have replaced "to some" with "others" to avoid repetition)

- I reckon that your introduction seems too bulky and therefore, it is better to compose your introduction paragraph like this:
>> 1st sentence (paraphrase the question) okay you did this, but too many sentences were there.
>> 2nd sentence (create a thesis statement) you also wrote this
>> 3rd sentence (outline your thesis statement) it is unfortunate you only mentioned "two reasons" without giving any brief descriptions what are they.

2nd paragraph:
- Some grammatical errors related to the usage of examples were there, for instance "The external influences have a lot to contribute even if one has perseverance and determination. (you need to make sure, if period, just period, if comma just write comma. You've written comma and period in the same place) For example, Steve jobs had been a successful business leader and hashad been renowned for... (parallel sentence rule)

- to avoid repetition in the next paragraph, you can shift the usage of "for example" by "for instance, such as, like, to exemplify, to illustrate, and many more".

I have no idea why did you use many personal pronouns. I think I have said to you recently that in academic essay, it is better not to use that. It can make the essay becomes less formal. I hope this can help you in improving your writing skill. Good luck for the revision and the next practice :)


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