It is argued that besides the benefits, media can bring a problem in a relationship between couples.

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.

To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

In this modern era, electronic media plays an important role for communication. However, It is argued that besides the benefits, it can bring a problem in a relationship between couples. In this case, I personally believe that the media is more likely to lead the relation becoming closer due to intensive communication even though possibility to make affair is inclined to happen for some reasons.

Having said that the presence of electronic media tends to improve the relationship becoming closer. This is because the electronic media provides the intensive communication due to inventions such as phones and computers connected to WIFI. These devices are more likely to maintain the communication which is able to break the distance, and control each couple. For example, Phone or laptop connected to WIFI can be devices to know information or pay attention each other. As a result, the relation is bound to be closer than before.

However, the tendency of cheating between the couples owing to electronic media should not be completely neglected for some reasons. Firstly, electronic media connects people to everyone that is able to give a chance for a mate making affair. Also, electronic media cannot be representative of feeling. Most of people tend to need more attention directly than by the electronic media. Not only this, this device is more likely to influence people looking for another one who is able to make deeply relation.

In conclusion, Using electronic media tends to lead relation facing problems. While it is argued that it gives an occasion for every mate looking for another couple, I personally believe that electronic media is able to be tool to connect and control each other by intensive communication

Hey there !
First of all , great job on your essay!
But do allow me to make some recommendations

it can bring a problem in a relationship between couples .
In couples only ? I don't think so..... ( you might lose some marks on this )
inclined to happen for some reasons.
It would be better to use " various "

This is because the electronic media provides the intensive communication due to inventions such as phones and computers connected to WIFI .
Connected to each other by the internet.

which is able to break the distance, and control each couple.This sentence is rather confusing, kindly rephrase.

the tendency of cheating between the couples owing to electronic media should not be completely neglected for some reasons .

Your third paragraph doesn't have much points, it isn't really persuasive.

Overall, I would suggest you to continue to work hard and do some research on this essay before revising. This essay isn't going to be giving you high remarks.

Don't Give UP !!!

Thank you so much for the corrections.

I hope I can improve my writing skill in order to help me when I study master later.

I still need your assistance.

My best Regards
Hadi