As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities
Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that besides making money, companies also need to have public responsibilities. In my opinion, while making the profit is the top priority for each company, I agree that they should also have responsibilities with society.
First of all, I would like to mention about the role of business in making money. In fact, companies that earn much profit and pay tax for the government use for different purposes. For instance, the government invests in education, health system and upgrade infrastructure services, which helps the community improve the living standard and benefit the whole society. Besides, companies also create jobs for citizens which have more budget to fulfill their consumption. Furthermore, business expands the scope of cooperation an international trade. For example, countries could exchange goods, services to boost export and import which increases the quality of payment as well as bringing opportunity to invest. Thus, business brings in profit for not only individuals but also companies and the nation.
On the other hand, there are strong reasons why businesses should have responsibilities with society. it is apparent to see that during the production process, most companies release a huge amount of trash and exhaust gas and pollute the environment. Hence, these companies should apply new technology to recycle their waste, solve contamination and protect nature. In addition, enterprises should help the unfortunate which encourages social welfare and spreads the image of enterprises. Besides, investors should invest in the third world countries to share difficulties and creates new hopes for the poor, the disabled in these nations which contributes to social balance.
In conclusion, for all of the reason mentioned above, It can be affirmed that the purpose of business not only makes profits but also improves the standard of living. Therefore, companies should create jobs, ensure social security and protect the environment.
Nguyen, your essay has a throw away, meaning, an irrelevant discussion in the second paragraph. You used that paragraph as a word filler to meet the word count without considering whether it is relevant to the discussion or not. Thus, your second paragraph is not really useful because it was merely a second opening statement in your essay. There can only be one opening statement in the Task 2 essay and that is, the opening paraphrase.
The next 3 paragraphs should be presenting reasons that support your point of view as this is, according to the prompt that you provided, a single point of view essay discussion. When asked if you "agree OR disagree", that question indicates a single response to the given topic. There is absolutely no way you can both agree and disagree with a given opinion. That indicates indecisiveness and a lack of confidence in your knowledge of the discussion. That means you will only get partial scoring for the TA section because you presented 2 points of view, rather than simply defending one point of view in the essay.
While your 3rd paragraph was good. it was under developed in presentation. Had you used the line of reasoning you presented in paragraph 3 by dividing those into properly explained and example supported body paragraphs, you would have come across with a far higher scoring essay discussion than what you have now. The 3 social responsibility topics for the body paragraph would have been:
1. Production process causes pollution 2. Need for the company to recycle their waste products 3. Nature preservation
The 3 topics for the body paragraphs could have been better expanded in presentation and explanation, thus allowing you to show off more of your English vocabulary and GRA skills, which could have further boosted your final score as well.
Hi, I am glad to read your essay. I would be happy if my advice could help to improve your essay.
... which helpshelp the community ... ... jobs for citizens whichwho have more budget to fulfill their consumption (I would like to recomend this phrase 'become solvent to buy necessary items').
For example, countries could exchange ... (this example is somewhat vague and abstract. I think you need to explain how businesses contribute to international trade and national economy in more detail with concrete cases )
... it is apparent to see that duringinthe production process, mostmany companies ... and exhaustnoxious gas and ... ... waste, solve problem of contamination ... ... the unfortunate whichto encourages ... and spreads manage the image of enterprises. ... to social balance (the term of 'social balance' is ambiguous. Rather, 'a global balance of wealth' is better. Providing the reasons why companies should have social responsibilities is not enough. You indicated environmental pollution caused by companies. You can also point out the fact that many companies use social infrastructures at no cost or the fact that taking a social responsibility is profitable for companies in the long term.)
In conclusion, for all of the reasonreasons mentioned above,...