It is often argued that brutality in media stimulates brutality in the real life. My opinion. IELTS2

Dang Khoa 11 / 41

Jul 19, 2019 #1

Violence in media promote violence in society. Agree or disagree?

Hi, everybody, I'm back :)
The question is above so I don't need to write it down hehe xD
My essay:
It is often argued that brutality in media stimulates brutality in real life. While I agree with this opinion, I still believe that violence surge based on many more aspects.

On the one hand, it is true that violence comes from the media. Many movies and games include some action scenes which attracts myriads of people, especially children. They will try to copy what they have seen in the movie. As a consequence, some will get hurt and the winner in the fight will continue to rampage. Secondly, there are also harmful channels, for instance, "Kha Banh", this individual try to spread a message that children should fight whenever they feel they like. Because of his cool and stupidly funny character of him, his message went viral which creates many spoiled children right now in Vietnam. (@@)

However, I strongly believe that violence in life is not easily promoted through media. It is obvious that many adults now are all knowledged which they should know whether it is right or wrong. In other words, they already have realized that violence is terrible and only used when needed. As a result, parents should teach children about violence until they are enlightened. In addition, there are helpful violent scenes in movies that teach children about when they should use force. For instance, when offsprings are bullied, they will know that they have to use violence in order to avoid pain and scratches.

In conclusion, it is right that violence in media encourages violence in life, but it also based on many facets. Additionally, there are some brutal scenes in movies that teach children about when to use force.

kidsfighting.jpg

Maria - / 1096

Jul 20, 2019 #2

@Dang Khoa
Hello there. Welcome back! Thanks for your consistent support in this scene.

You're improving a lot throughout time. I think that you have learned to grasp a firmer tone now - and, beyond that, you have also been able to relay information effectively to us.

Try to be cautious of the phrasing of your words. Ensure that your language is clear-cut and specific when you are trying to explain things. For instance, when can you say that children are enlightened enough to have these information be explained to them?

The conclusion is also quite scattered. The second line doesn't quite fit the first, making it messy in the eyes of readers. Try to focus more on the meaning you're building than putting together lines that might make sense.

Best of luck.

OP Dang Khoa 11 / 41

Jul 20, 2019 #3

Thank you very much Maria, it helped me a lot for sure :) !