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Argumentative Essay : Living on campus


cactus2601 3 / 12  
Oct 20, 2013   #1
This is my essay, please read then give me comment about academic word and structures i used. Thanks~~

There are widely differing views on the issue of whether students should live on campus or not. Some people would suggest that it is more healthier to live off campus. However, i personally believe that living on campus have more benefit for students during college in terms of saving economically and good studying environment.

Firstly, it can be argued that students can save more money when living on campus . The room price is usually lower in a dorm when compared with other places. Moreover, electricity and Internet price are reasonable as well. Students can spend that money that save on buying books and other things which are necessary for their life. Living on campus is a effective way to use your money wisely.

Another advantage of living on campus is that students living on campus can have a good studying environment. Friends usually have the same objective, which is learning, and developing themselves, thus they push themselves to study to compete with other fellows. For instance, many students can make a group study sessions to help each other, and it will help in getting high grades. A research concludes that living in residence hall and cooperative houses has a positive influence on student grade point average.

Some people indicate that living off campus is more healthier eating because fast food in campus cafeteria is not good for students. Nonetheless, all that fast food are not good for health and if students do not like to eat fast food , they can have a good meal with fresh food in canteen.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that living on campus is a good way for students to save economically and have a good studying environment.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 20, 2013   #2
There are widely differing views on the issue of whether students should live on campus or not. Some people would suggest that it is more healthier to live off campus. However, i personally believe that living on campus have more benefit for students during college in terms of saving economically and good studying environment.

Had you opened the essay with a hook, this would have been a perfect introduction :)

Firstly, it can be argued that students can save more money when living on campus .

... a very good point
First, living on campus is more cost effective. This helps students save money on room charges, utility bill payments such as electricity, Internet etc.
dumi 1 / 6,929 1592  
Oct 21, 2013   #3
There are widely differing views on the issue of whether students should live on campus or not. Some people would suggest that it is more healthier to live off campus. However,iI personally believe that living on campus have more benefit for students during college in terms of saving economically and good studying environment.

This is a good introduction. However, it's even better if you start it with a hook statement that can grab the reader's attention. The hook should be relevant to your topic too.

Another advantage of living on campus is that students living on campus can have a good studying environment

..."living on campus" is getting repeated. This is what I suggest;
Another advantage of living on campus is that it provides an ideal environment for studying.
OP cactus2601 3 / 12  
Oct 21, 2013   #4
Thanks guys,
I can't find a hook that is suitable for this topic :(
stream_xu 3 / 6 2  
Oct 21, 2013   #5
A research concludes that living in residence hall and cooperative houses has a positive influence on student grade point average.

FYI:
It is better to use "which" in this occasion. :)
dumi 1 / 6,929 1592  
Oct 23, 2013   #6
I can't find a hook that is suitable for this topic :(

... Let us try;
Campus folds a new chapter for the lives of its students. (hook) ... :) ... Remember, the hook should provide you a good entrance to the topic :)
During this tenure, some students choose to live on campus while others live off campus. ... (background)
OP cactus2601 3 / 12  
Oct 23, 2013   #7
That's so good. thanks Dumi
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 23, 2013   #8
Friends usually have the same objective, which is learning, and developing themselves, thus they push themselves to study to compete with other fellows

.... good point, but when you talk about competition among them, it kind of disturbs your idea :(
Campus students share the same objective which is learning and developing their skills for their future careers. Because of this, the students living on campus are exposed to an environment which has the ability to motivate them better.


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