Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Around the world people are working more than ever. Is spending more time at work beneficial?

duongbaluong 1 / -  
Jan 31, 2017   #1
Around the world people are working more than ever. Some people believe that spending more time at work enhances the economy and builds a stronger society, while others disagree, stating that a system that promotes work-life balance* leads to a healthier, happier, and economically stronger society. Discuss both viewpoints and provide your own opinion.

*Work-life balance

is a concept including prioritizing between "work" (career and ambition) and "lifestyle" (health, pleasure, leisure, family and spiritual development/meditation).

Sample Outline

I- Introduction

II- Viewpoint # 1: Working more builds an economically strong society and provides positive benefits

III - Viewpoint # 2: Balancing work-life responsibilities provides social benefits while building an economically stronger society

IV - Your personal viewpoint on this issue.

My essay:

Global industries seem to have exploded in the economic and technological situation for many years and get some frequent changes in working policy. Thus, these changes impacted on most of human life in the world, and one of them is stretching out working time of employees. Some people believe that spending more time at working place will enhance the economy and build a stronger society, but the others have an opposite opinion: working overtime could promote some advances in their work-life balance such as making your health better, improving your emotion and opening an economically stronger society. In this essay, I will describe both two sides of these ideas and demonstrate my opinion about this situation.

Many companies' primary goal is to succeed in their business by increasing its revenue; therefore, extending the working hours is vital for profit maximization. As can be seen, employees who are working overtime can bring a huge profit for their organization and make their company in the black; hence, either the national microeconomics or macroeconomics will be developed and be improved, too. Unfortunately, every change is also a double-edged sword, employees who work more hours have one concept called "the boredom of time." "The boredom of time" makes employees feel tired or lost their passion at work if they know that they are being told to work overtime, so they just work in low performance. This situation could result in low in finished; thus, investors' revenues are going to be decreased. To solve this problem, many companies and organizations raise their employees' salary in orders to improve their passion for work when they have to work overtime. As a result, it provides a lot of positive benefits on economic and also builds a better society.

Not only working overtime could create an economically stable society, but also makes people's life better and better. Extending working hours with increasing salary helps employees stay out of a severe budget squeeze and a red ink situation, too. Individuals who work more could get more money to improve their living experiences. For example, they will be able to offer their housing and have better food quality; furthermore, they can save up a small budget to use for emergency, or their children stuff, etc. Consequently, they promote a better work-life balance and get happier. However, we can't have the best of both worlds. Working more hours could get a risk of the bad general state of health because workers are easy to be overload themselves. Accordingly, employees will not get high performance on their work, and their companies' progress will be slowed down, and these companies will be loss-making. Many businesses and organizations are used to solve this problem by offering their employees new policies and insurance. For example, workers who do more hours of working will receive a protection service which provides inspection tests on depression occurred by overworking such as stress, insomnia or cardiac arrhythmia - a syndrome of heartbeat diseases and disorders, every quarter and provide a solution when a worker have the risk of getting these symptoms, too. Also, many companies give their employees more time to break, and give break time is longer than usual. As a result, overtime workers can make more money, and balance their lifestyle without any risk too. It has a chance of making them healthier, happier and economically stronger society.

In conclusion, I both agree that spending more time at work enhances the economy, builds a stronger community and promotes people work-life balance. But everything got its two sides, spending more time at work can get more benefits for workers' daily life, but it also leads to some related problems such as decrease body's resistance or lack of time-balance. But with solutions to resolve these risks, I believe that it will be possible to get more and more benefit to employees' work-life balance and also build a stronger economic environment.

I just need some help to make my essay better, thank you for helping me.
thuy_nguyet 5 / 13  
Jan 31, 2017   #2
Hi, I am not professional in writing, just study english like you. Your essay is really great for transition signals but I don't really understand your meaning? Your personal opinion about overwork is agree or not?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,976 4812  
Jan 31, 2017   #3
Luong, you have written an extremely well researched essay. Normally, I would congratulate you on such a well written paper. However, the sheer amount of research that you put into this essay tells me that there is no way you would be able to write this well in an actual test. For one thing, the essay is too long and contains academic information. A TOEFL or IELTS test mostly asks you to rely on your practical knowledge of a topic in order to write your essay due to time constraints when taking the test. During the actual test, you will not be allowed to use outside sources as the system will be locked to the LAN of the testing center. Therefore, while you wrote a very good essay, you did not write an essay that simulates the actual exam experience and as such could result in you failing the test if you continue to practice the tests using non-existent sources in the exam center.

Another note for you is the way that you presented your paraphrased prompt. In trying to show the reviewer that you have an extensive English vocabulary, you ended up presenting the same side of the discussion rather than presenting one supporting and one opposing side in the paraphrasing of the prompt requirement. That was an oversight on your part and should easily be resolved in your succeeding tests if you remain conscious of the fact that you need to present 3 opinions in total (pro, con, personal) for a successful essay.

Home / Writing Feedback / Around the world people are working more than ever. Is spending more time at work beneficial?
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳