In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
These days and ages, children involved in any kind of paid work are prohibited in some countries, while others would argue that it is beneficial for them. Although working in particular job can influence teenagers' result of study, I believe it is better to give them opportunity to build their social understanding.
It is generally assumed that adolescents who devote themselves in some particular occupations are wrong since they should focus on their studies. This is mainly because psychologically, the best time to learn for people is adolescence. In fact, a recent study by Institute for Social and Economic Research found that students' part-time jobs can influence their educational results in which it can develop their personal characteristics, including responsibility, work organization and time management, which could in return enhance school achievements.
The importance of working for people under the age of 18 can strengthen children's social skills. Since working as a part of a team will help them establish communication skills and improve confidence. For example, an observation by Aistear, the early childhood curriculum framework, showed that children learn by being with others to build relationship and to create an environment in which children feel secure and confident enough to take risks, explore, and take part in challenging experiences. I believe this is the best scenario for children to develop their personality.
In conclusion, although being an employee has an impact in the grade, this is not the crucial issue since children can gain priceless experience while they work. Where possible, children should apply their social abilities gained from work to develop their learning.
These days and ages , children involved in any kind of paid works are prohibited in some countries, while ...
Furthermore, although working in particular job ...
i highly likely suggest you to use these days and ages only in speaking. compared to academic writing, you can use "in contemporary era".
for first sentence, you do not compare between 2 opinion. there is no clue talking about it.
you should try to create good flow for connecting sentences.
it is better if you give reasons for each idea in first paragraph that you will explain them in the following paragraphs.