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Art Management; Colleges and universities should offer Job preparation training



AseaDai 4 / 8  
Jan 24, 2013   #1
Whether college should offer job support program or not for the student before they start working is hot topic in the public. Some people claim that universities only focus on academic research. The mainly concern of college students is thier major study. However, from my perspective, job training is definitely necessary and significant for both students and colleges.

First and foremost, better job prepararion benefits student in seeking thier job. Take my self for example. My major is Art Management . When I was sophomopre, my department provided me with a great opportunity to apply for an internship program in 798 art district. After a compitition, I finally got a chance to take my internship in a gallery. That was very important experience for me. I worked with those professional workers together every day. They taught how to hang up every art piece in an approriated; how to introduce the meaning of the painting to audieces. Sometimes, I am lucky to meet some famous collectors and learn a lot from their talks. I really benefited considerably from my internship.

Not only does job hunting program benefits students, it is also beneficial to universities. No doubt, the compitition of tertiary education has greatly increased nowadays. By organizing different kinds of occupation training courses, universities could create more successful graduates, which result in an increasing of the number of applicants. Meanwhile, thoes successful graduates would intend to donate money to thier alma mater. More funding allows university to improve thier facilities and hire better teachers. As a result, the whole level of the college will improve and the reputation of the college will grow.

Enterprises also welcome thoes students who have job training program experiences. It means, the company doesn't have to spend extra money on organizing relevant training courses. Because the students are not green hands. They had equipped themselves well when they were in campus.

In conclusion, I believe that job preparation is indispensable in many ways.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 24, 2013   #2
Whether college should offer job support programs or not for the student before they start working is hot topic in the public

My suggestion;
Whether colleges should offer job supportive programs for the students or not is a hot topic today.

Some people claim that universities only focus on academic research.

.... universities should only focus on academic research,

The mainly concern of college students is thier major study.

.... you should have combined this sentence with the previous sentence as they both go in the same line, otherwise this sounds repetitive :)
ritared 2 / 5  
Jan 24, 2013   #3
the whole level of the college will improve

will be improved

thier major study.

thier? their! I think you can use Microsoft Word to correct such spelling mistakes.

sophomopre

sophomore

After a compitition

"through an intense compitition" I suppose it's better

thier alma mater

It is good that u use "alma mater" , which comes from Latin Words. But with so many selling mistakes above, I think you should put more effort on your spelling less sophiscated words.

Meanwhile, thoes successful graduates

"those"

I'm not a native speaker. So that's all I can help you. Some people will further edify your essay. Be patient.
You have a clear and organized thought, which is good. I think you should practice your writing skills and spelling.
OP AseaDai 4 / 8  
Jan 24, 2013   #4
Thank you dumi, actually, I am not quite sure where to the "not", just follow my feeling. Your suggestion is definitely fluent than mine.
OP AseaDai 4 / 8  
Jan 24, 2013   #5
Thank you ritared.
Actually, spelling is indeed my weakness. I need more practise!
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 24, 2013   #6
Thank you dumi, actually, I am not quite sure where to the "not", just follow my feeling. Your suggestion is definitely fluent than mine.

You are welcome :)
It is the practice that make you confident about these little confusions.... Keep practicing ; you write so well and practice may prepare you for a real good score : )

, better job prepararion benefits studentin seeking thier job jobs

.... This reads better... sometimes when you try to be too descriptive, it disturbs your idea and the flow :)
OP AseaDai 4 / 8  
Jan 25, 2013   #7
sometimes when you try to be too descriptive, it disturbs your idea and the flow :)

I see. I just can't help use Chinese way of description. Thanks so much!
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 25, 2013   #8
That's a good one :D

No doubt, the compititioncompetition of tertiary education has greatly increased nowadays.

.... Good point :)

By organizing different kinds of occupational training courses, universities could create more successful graduates, which results in an increasing of the number of applicants.

.... It's a good sentence, only the later part of it disturbs its flow.
By organizing various occupational training courses, universities could produce more successful graduates and this results in having a better demand for their courses. .... I introduced different keywords here.


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