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Artificially intelligent robots at every workplace. IELTS writing part II. Give your opinion type.

Anami 1 / -  
Jan 28, 2021   #1

Some believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion?

Artificially intelligent robots will be replacing large parts of the human workforce sometimes in the not so far future. While it is likely that all menial jobs will be eventually taken over by robots, there will still be jobs which will require a human element. This essay will discuss why in the near future, only a small number of jobs will be done by humans.

Robots are going to replace humans in jobs that don't require any particular set of skills, in the long run. It's easier and economically viable to replace humans with computerised machines as they don't require training, they don't take days off and don't make errors. In fast food restaurants in Canada for example, cashiers have been replaced by ordering stations where you can choose whatever you want from the menu and pay for your order as well. These stations cost less than employees and can work on holidays. Hence, these reasons will lead to more an more jobs of such kind using robots as opposed to human employees.

Conversely, there are still a few jobs that will always require human expertise and ingenuity which is impossible for robots to replicate. There're jobs that require years of training, ability to make split second decisions. For example, jobs in the field of psychology, medicine, engineering and culinary arts to name a few. Robots can never be expected to be aware of the nuances that are an everyday part in these fields.

It's increasingly likely that a majority of the current human workforce will lose their jobs to robots in the future. Although a lot of the unskilled jobs are going to be outsourced to robots and computerised machines, there will still be a few fields in which the significance of the human know-how is unparalleled. Ultimately, as artificial intelligence develops at it's current rate, there won't be many jobs left that require human employees.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3341  
Jan 29, 2021   #2
You have to frame the opinion you are presenting in the first person presentation format. The prompt clearly asks you for your opinion so, this is one case when you must use first person pronouns, since no other opinions are required for the discussion. The presentation you used serves a "general" purpose, meaning it does not necessarily reflect your opinion. This is made clear by your last sentence in the first paragraph which is:

This essay will discuss why in the near future, only a small number of jobs will be done by humans.

This created the general presentation discussion. The more appropriate response would have been a direct representation of your opinion at the end. Something along the lines of,:

While most people believe this to be true, I find myself in disagreement with them because I believe that...

Always use a direct response when dealing with the question provided. This will serve as your thesis statement, which will be the total basis of your opinion presentation / defense / reasoning in the remaining 2 body paragraphs prior to the concluding summary of information. For this particular writing type, you can use the comparative essay format since there is no agree or disagree question to be responded to.

Your discussion in the first paragraph is well presented. The second paragraph needs more work. The example you gave and the explanation needs more work to convince the reader of this point of view. You should have added information as to why robots will fail to do the work due to human nuances. Your vocabulary usage is on point. No problems there. You obviously have a good grasp of the language. It shows in your sentence and paragraph formations.

Overall, this isn't a bad essay. It is just the improper format, the general opinion, rather than the personal opinion, that affected the presentation. Next time, use the correct pronouns, as required by the presentation. In this case, the first person personal pronouns were sorely missed.

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