You have to frame the opinion you are presenting in the first person presentation format. The prompt clearly asks you for your opinion so, this is one case when you must use first person pronouns, since no other opinions are required for the discussion. The presentation you used serves a "general" purpose, meaning it does not necessarily reflect your opinion. This is made clear by your last sentence in the first paragraph which is:
This essay will discuss why in the near future, only a small number of jobs will be done by humans.
This created the general presentation discussion. The more appropriate response would have been a direct representation of your opinion at the end. Something along the lines of,:While most people believe this to be true, I find myself in disagreement with them because I believe that...
Always use a direct response when dealing with the question provided. This will serve as your thesis statement, which will be the total basis of your opinion presentation / defense / reasoning in the remaining 2 body paragraphs prior to the concluding summary of information. For this particular writing type, you can use the comparative essay format since there is no agree or disagree question to be responded to.
Your discussion in the first paragraph is well presented. The second paragraph needs more work. The example you gave and the explanation needs more work to convince the reader of this point of view. You should have added information as to why robots will fail to do the work due to human nuances. Your vocabulary usage is on point. No problems there. You obviously have a good grasp of the language. It shows in your sentence and paragraph formations.
Overall, this isn't a bad essay. It is just the improper format, the general opinion, rather than the personal opinion, that affected the presentation. Next time, use the correct pronouns, as required by the presentation. In this case, the first person personal pronouns were sorely missed.