It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members.
Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society.
Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.
You should write at least 250 words.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Both artists and scientists have immensely underpinned our society, since they first emerged. Thanks to scientists, we now have numerous technologies and medicines that can almost solve any issue for us. Along with the scientists' helps, the artists make our life vibrant and buoyant. Notwithstanding, our society tends to bias towards the scientists because they provide us with some tangible benefits. Unlike artists, who are not favored since people need to have a survival first before amusing.
[...]
Hi, I thought your essay was pretty clear and had some good content, but maybe you are trying a bit too hard with your vocabulary. You had a lot of word choices and phrases that just did not sound very natural in your context.
Both artists and scientists have immensely underpinned our society, since they first emerged.{talking about people "emerging" sounds a little odd - I guess science and art emerged, but not the artists and scientists} Thanks to scientists, we now have numerous technologies and medicines that can almost solve [almost] any issue for us.{your version meant we could almost solve these problems, but not quite all the way} Along with the scientists' helps,{"help" is non-countable singular} the artists make our li[ves] vibrant and buoyant. Notwithstanding, our society tends to [be biased] bias towards the scientists because they provide us with some tangible benefits[, u]nlike artists, who are not favored {"not favored" makes it sound like no one likes artists} since people need to have a survival first before amusing.{this last phrase is incorrect - maybe "need to worry about surviving before looking for sources of amusement"}
When it comes to the scientists, then they can completely blow your mind. They render us with an abundance of technologies, such as robots, which can really facilitate our living. By possessing contemporary {"contemporary" sounds odd here} tools, scientists are even capable of creating lots of cures, which might protract our life expectancy. Imagine yourself, because of the scientist. {this sentence doesn't really make sense to me} We now can sit at home and read newspapers, due to robots which can automatically finalize {"finalize" does not really work here} every single chore for you. {not sure how sitting at home and reading newspapers ties into robots that do chores - plus, I haven't seen a robot that will do my dishes or fold my clothes :) } Not to mention that there are promising cures for HIV and cancer, which will be {the "are" and the "will be" don't really work here - I guess you are saying we have the cures, but the scientists still need to make them? it is unclear to me} made by the scientists. As a result, scientists are priceless people for our society. {this paragraph seemed a bit disorganized - more of a scattershot of different areas scientist work in" }
Sometimes our society might be bored,{it sounds odd to talk about a whole society being bored} [and] that is the time, {no comma here} when artists step in. They can bolster our spirit towards {"bolster towards" is not really correct} something bright. Without them, it would be arduous for our society to be this lively and placid. {"lively" and "placid" are basically antonyms, so this is unclear to me} For pragmatic instance, {"pragmatic instance" sounds odd} we watch movies every day to get rid of our boredom. Those movies w[ould] never exist {"would never have existed" is better though} without actors. Hence, the arts play a key role, in regards to relieving our stresses.
Frankly, it is quite daunting for our society to not have one of them.{I would not use "them" here, since this is a new paragraph and it is not really clear who "them" refers to} However, we need to survive and maintain our life first before entertaining.{"before being entertained" is better} Therefore, scientists will be {"should be" is better here} prioritized over artists in our society.
The aforesaid evidence shows that scientists' supports {"supports" sounds odd here} are enormous, and they will easily overweight [outweigh] artists' contribution. Taking all the points into account, scientists will always be chosen {"be chosen" is vague - be chosen for what and by whom? maybe "will always be honored more highly"} compared to the artists in our society.
