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IELTS- Are the arts a good government investment?

inderGTR 2 / 3  
Jan 13, 2018   #1
Writing Task 2- Government investment in arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Art valuation

The perceptions among people for issues in pursuit of revenue made and equivocally invested in various sectors by the government of their country has always been au contraire. However, it is undoubtedly the affair of utmost significance and must be with all options, addressed and recognized. These convictions, at times, establish a propaganda that if not moderated can render the future for a social domain, bleak. The hypothesis based on these convictions proposes that art, such as music and theater, does not stand the rightful recipient of government expense as do other public services; such as health care, transportation, education, infrastructure et cetera. I vociferously disagree with the given statement.

Some people have proven to be resourceful, tenacious with a commendable ability to convince others that their way is the right way, the way that needs to be followed, pursued despite the obvious repercussions such actions may incur. The primacy of these dominant yet dissimilar to the subjugated is undeniable. However, art in all its forms; be it music, theater, painting, is a constructive element of society. It cannot be disregarded in comparison to former. Music and entertainment provides people escape from the assiduous livelihood that they have fashioned for theirselves; consequently recuperating them for modus operandi. Government should remain the constituent pillar and should encourage all forms of art; for art is not only just a notion of luxury and delicacy, but the genesis of all cultures. The constitution of a country mandates the progress of bourgeoisie, thereby preservation of its cultural artifacts accentuates its merit and manifests the country as a positive contributor to the history.

William Shakespeare, Van Gogh, Leonardo da Vinci, Ludwig van Beethoven and many others in the ambit have delivered art ne plus ultra which, till Armageddon exists reverenced. So conclusively, foregrounding other domains that seem substantial, with the capital meant for art is not legitimate.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,939 3570  
Jan 13, 2018   #2
Inderjeet, this essay sounds like you used a dictionary to write it all throughout. I sincerely doubt that you will be using this kind of old English language in writing the test in a formal exam setting. With over 300 words written, there is absolutely no way you are allowing yourself enough time within the 40 minute time frame to correct yourself in case or errors in your presentation. You have to remember that this is not a test of English vocabulary knowledge. This is a test of English comprehension and everyday language discussion skills. English words that you would normally use when interacting with people or when writing your research papers. You are not trying to replace William Shakespeare or Julius Ceasar here. Your use of ancient English and foreign words in the essay will not help your score either. It will drag it down because this is a test of English language skills. Not ancient English, not artistic English, not Shakespearan English, just regular everyday English. Even though you wrote a very interesting essay, the lack of format adherence is what will make this essay fail. You often veer off context because of your desire to show off your English vocabulary and use of high brow words. That is not how you will pass this test. Read the examples of the Task 2 essays available for your reference here. Learn from these more appropriately presented examples and follow the format. That is the way you will pass this test.
OP inderGTR 2 / 3  
Jan 13, 2018   #3
I sincerely appreciate your thorough analysis in regard my format; and in your words "ancient English". I would indeed take it as a compliment. I am constantly in search of a manner of writing that would forthwith advance the composition desired by myself. I not long ago discovered this website and the very first piece of article I read was bettered by your insightfulness. I would very much appreciate if I could have the pleasure of you aiding me on my venture to comprehend the language. You have already established that I successfully fail at the attempt to mimic Shakespeare and the fact that I am very influenced by him. I plead if you would be so kind as to guide me to perfection.

Hope to read your response.
PeterBrown 16 / 25 6  
Jan 30, 2018   #4
1) I reckon you would be better off with 4 paragraphs or even 5 instead of 3 if you are aiming for a higher score.
2) The hypothesis based on these ...
This sentence seems a bit off to me in that you used a semicolon before such as and used the word et cetera. I believe using words such as and similar or and others would be more appropriate in this test.

Also, semicolons are used too often throughout your essay; perhaps it would be better if you tried to connect your sentences with colon, dash and others to vary your sentence structures a bit more.

Overall, from what I see, you are capable of writing a great essay, and it wont take you long to master it.

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