This is my argumentative paragraph (not an essay) and I will be happy if you have a chance to check it. Thank you in advance.
University students should have right about whether they attend the classes or not. Now that university is different than school, university students are individuals who can make rational decisions. They should be primarily responsible for their own education. This will encourage students take more responsibility. They should be treated as adults. Attending to the classes may be useful for some students who can learn effectively by hearing whereas there are some students who would prefer learning on their own. Thus, there is no relationship between attendance and performance. Having flexibility in attendance also give students more chances for attend out-of-class activities such as drama, sport. Each student is an adult and they may have other obligations apart from attending the classes. For instance, some students have to work to pay their studies or have to take care of family at the same time. These incidents happen beyond their control. If a student was forced to attend the classes and he had some other obligations, he would not pay attention subjects during the class. This also effects outputs that he/she gets. Students who don't want to attend cannot be included to the classes by forcing. In contrast, they may distract other students who want to learn. They also will not be stuck in traffic jams while they are trying to get to school. The time that they spend waiting for busses or walking from a department to another for changing subjects will not be wasted. Having freedom does not restrict students' attendance to the classes. Those who want to ask or consult something to their instructors they have right to go any time they want. In conclusion, the liberty to choose which one has more priority and convenient for studying should be offered to students.
I think that instead of using he or she it would be better if you utilized one.
Another thing is you used way too many general examples. This essay could have been much more effective if the essay included your personal experience rather then general circumstances.
Overall, the content is nice you just need to alter the aforementioned remarks.