Hi Essay Forum members :)
Please give me some relevant feedback about Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar on this visual writing.
Psychologists have known for many years that colour can affect how people feel. For this reason, attention should be given to colour schemes when decorating places such as offices and hospitals.
How true is this statement?
How far does colour influence people's health and capacity for work?
ANSWER
For many years ago, an outstanding discovery by psychologists has revealed that colour has been possible to influence people's feeling. This makes them think that offices and hospitals should be properly refurbished according to certain colour spectrum. However, this statement is totally true due to its profound effect towards individuals' emotion in which can go beyond what people can imagine.
With regards to the validity of the assertion regarding to whether or not it can influence people, it is obvious that according to a finding in Oxford University in 2009 mentioned that 83% of offices in the United Kingdom picked brightly colourful paint-job for the building and 76% of hospitals considered pastel colour to relax their patients. This finding leads to mainstream views of workers and patients that employees feel motivated by bright colour and patients feel relaxed by pastel colour. For example, Google Company uses many attractive colours which based on their theme, such as green, red, and yellow, whereas St Mary's hospital has combination of pastel colours in each patient's room. Therefore, the statement about colour is able to influence individuals' feeling is inevitably true.
However, colour is powerful. It is also possible to trigger bad occurrence either in offices or hospitals. This is because lack of attention towards colour for decorating the building, for instance, if a patient or employee has dark-coloured room, patient is going to feel depressed, and worker will feel bored. Thus, offices and hospitals should be more careful in selecting the colour that they are going to use to decorate the room.
In conclusion, selecting an appropriate colour for offices and hospitals is crucial due to its tremendous effects to individuals' emotion. This statement is definitely true. I personally recommend that all hospitals and offices should implement the same action for the sake of better influence in both places.
In conclusion, selecting an appropriate colour for offices and hospitals is crucial due to its tremendous effects to individuals' emotion. This statement is definitely true. I personally recommend that all hospitals and offices should implement the same action for the sake of better influence in both places.
Hi, here are some suggestions:
For Many years ago, an outstanding discovery (...) to influence people's feelingS.
... hospitals should be properly refurbished according to A certain colour spectrum. However(Better: indeed, or Clearly. Surely, Absolutely...), this statement (...) towards individuals' emotionS in which can go beyond what people can(stronger: could ever imagine) imagine.
Try to avoid the red repetitions if possible.
With regards to the validity of the assertion regarding to whether or not it can influence people, it is obvious that according to a finding in (I would have said by) Oxford University in 2009 mentioned that 83% of offices in the United Kingdom picked ...
... that employees feel motivated by bright colourS and patients feel relaxed by pastel colourS . For example, Google Company uses many attractive colours, which arebased on their theme, (...) has combination ofpastel colours in each patient's room.
This is because oflack of attention towards colour for decorating the building. For instance, if a patient or employee has A dark-coloured room, a possiblepatient is going to will feel depressed, ...
Task Response: ok, you have addressed the task
Coherence and Cohesion: you need to be careful with linking words, since sometimes you overuse them and it becomes difficult to follow your line of thoughts
Lexical Resource: Avoid repetitions to improve your score. You can do this using a Thesaurus while you're practising
Grammar: your use of different structures is good, but you need to check it a little bit more carefully since there are still some errors.
Overall, I think that you can do better, so continue to work hard!
Thank you for the comments. Joining this forum is a pleasure to me because I can improve my writing as well as gain deeper insights about grammar. I am still beginner in terms of proofreading,but I'll give my best in giving appropriate comments. I see that you have no issues in task responses and grammar in your writing. In addition to the above suggestions, there is a repetition in these two sentences: "Thus, offices and hospitals should be more careful in selecting the colour that they are going to use to decorate the room.
In conclusion, selecting an appropriate colour for offices and hospitals is crucial due to its tremendous effects to individuals' emotion".
I like your way in delivering the information straight to the point so that the ideas are putted in sequence. Still, I recommend you to be creative in using transition signal. For the lexical sources, how if you use paraphrasing or finding appropriate synonyms using a thesaurus? Hope this helps. Thanks in advance.
Hi, thanks for your feedback :)
here my suggestions
Google Company uses many attractive colours which are based on their theme, >> passive
This is because of lack of attention towards colour for decorating the building. For instance, if a patient or employee has dark-coloured room, patient is going towill feel depressed, and worker will feel bored. >> parallel structure
overall is remarkable, I know you will do better ..
For many years ago, an outstanding discovery by psychologists has revealedis that colour has been possible tocan influence people's feeling.
However , Wrong transition, try: As such, Due to this, Therefore ... this statement is totally true due to its profound effect towards individuals' emotion in which can go beyond what people can imagine.
With regards to the validity of the assertion regarding to whether or not it can influence people , No need to repeat what the assertion is it is, this information is already present obvious that according to a finding in ...
For example, Google CompanyJust Google or Google Inc. is fine uses many attractive colours ... I fail to see the connection between the actions oo Google and the Hospital to you next assertion. Perhaps this sentence may help: "These entities have observed changes in the behaviors and expression of feelings by their employees and patients and" Therefore, the statement about colour is able to influence individuals' feeling is inevitably true.
However, colour is powerful.Colour can also have adverse effects. It is also possible to trigger bad occurrenceNot sure what you're trying to say Memories? Emotions? Feelings? either in offices or hospitals.
This statement is definitely true.No need to repeat this statement from your introduction.
