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Some attractions in England - which were the most popular?

Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 14, 2016   #1
Percentage of tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions

The line charts compare the travellers going to four popular destinations in Brighton, England between 1980 and 2010. Overall, while pavillion and art gallery showed a similar proportions in 1980, both attractions witnessed a reverse tendency over 30 years period.

There was a significant increase of visitors in pavillion from 1980 to 1995 and hit the peak at approximately 50%. However, the number of visitors dropped sharply over the next 15 years to 30% in 2010, which was the highest of that year. Tourists of art gallery followed a similar pattern, beginning the period at just over 20% and rose dramatically, unlike pavillion reach the trough of under 10% at the end of period.

In contrast, 30% of travellers came to festival in 1980, and this proportion experienced a slightly decreased to 28% in 2000 and remained constant until the rest of period. The pier saw a contrary trend of those destinations. Despite of some fluctuations, the tourist show a gradual incline from 10% in 1980 to above 20% over the 30-year period.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 14, 2016   #2
Nurul, I notice that both of your writings have similar mistakes in the first introduction paragraph. I would like to address your number of sentences. As you can see, in both essays, you accidentally only write 2 sentences for introduction paragraph. There is no wrong and right in writing, but keep doing this will not enhance your band score significantly.

Actually, there are many types of essay for IELTS task 1. However, I will explain to you two common types of IELTS task 1 writing pattern. The first type is what you have usually done, combining 'question's paraphrase and overview sentence' then place it in the first introduction paragraph. This writing pattern urges you to make at least three sentences for a paragraph because you need to wrap the information as a whole. By writing only 2 sentences, you will not adequately address all the information needed for your essay, which then makes you hard to achieve band 6 for task achievement scoring criteria.

There you are Nurul, keep practicing and you can achieve a good score later on.

Cheers :)
OP Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 15, 2016   #3
Thank you for your suggestions, I will try to do better and practiced it then.


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