Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


ATTRACTIVE PLACES IN TARAKAN. IELTS TASK 2



adinur 1 / -  
May 3, 2014   #1
Actually, people in the world has favorite place. The favorite place usually becomes destination tourism. Many people go to there simply unwind with the atmosphere in the city. Tourism place is the best place has good view and something special can make us comfortable. Every country competing to introduce their tourism place utilizes mass media, social media, and television. In Indonesia also have many tourism places such as Kuta Beach, Pangandaran Beach, Raja Ampat, and many more. For this time, I want to introduce tourism places in my hometown namely north Borneo.

North Borneo has capital city its tarakan. In there we can find many kinds of tourism place such as Amal Beach, Derawan Island, Mangrove, and Orchid Garden. Firstly it's Amal beach. It's different with another place, because moreover present wonderful view and comfortable place but end of each year the government held thanksgiving event at Amal Beach. It's about how to thanks to Our God. The name of this event is Iraw; it's about modification big ship made by wood. You can look many people take a part in this event, because only once a year. These event become attractions for tourists are visiting in Tarakan.

Secondly is Derawan Island. This place is a small island and found near by tarakan only 3 hours by ship. Your trip go to Derawan will be amazing because during in journey you will look good view such as wonderful islands with animal epidemic. Derawan Island has blue water and pure so that you can snorkel, dive or enjoy your place. Not only domestic people visits over there but also foreign tourists. In derawan island serve home stay for visitors who want to stay.

Thirdly is mangrove. As far as we know, mangrove has many kinds of animal such as bird, snake, crocodile and many more, but mangrove in Tarakan has animal epidemic namely Bekantan.it can become icon in Tarakan because of unique. Therefore, statue of Bekantan create as a reception at airport.

Therefore we have to proud of our destination place. We must keep our destination place in order to many tourists go to Tarakan.

Eva Novita Sari 47 / 67  
May 3, 2014   #2
Tourism place whichis the best place has good view and something special can make us comfortable.

In this sentence, I find two verb without conjunction.
You should put one conjunction if in the sentence there is two verb and two conjunction to three verb.
hermawan89 1 / 3  
May 4, 2014   #3
Every country competing to introduce their tourism place utilizes mass media, social media, and television

Every country is competing to introduce their tourism place, by utilizing mass media, social media and television

It's different with another place, because moreover present wonderful view and comfortable place but end of each year the government held thanksgiving event at Amal Beach

It is different from another place because not only it has wonderful view and be a comfortable place to enjoy , but also in the end of the year, the government helds thanksgiving event where Tarakan people express their gratitude to the Good.
dumi 1 / 6793  
May 17, 2014   #4
Well, you should have included your prompt in this thread. That helps us understand the requirement of your task better and helps us align our feedbacks more with task requirements :)

Actually, people in the world has favorite place.

Almost everybody in this has a favorite place where we derive a great pleasure just being there.
Many people go to there simply unwind with the atmosphere in the city.
Your essay introduction does not make much sense to me. Please post the prompt and I can have another look at your thread :)


Home / Writing Feedback / ATTRACTIVE PLACES IN TARAKAN. IELTS TASK 2
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳