Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


IELTS WRITING TASK 2: ABOUT MUSEUM as an attractive and entertaining place for youngsters


Haiandet255 1 / -  
Oct 23, 2021   #1
Some people think that the purpose of museums should be to attract and entertain young people. Other believe that the purpose of a museum is to educate, not entertain.

Discuss both viewpoint and give your own opinion.



Museum is an institute which preserves, interprets and displays the cultural and historical objects of preceding era that represent human history. Some believe that it should be an attractive and entertaining place for young generations while others claim that museum is where we can acquire knowledge. Those who view museums as a means of educating or entertaining are not wrong to focus on this aspect. In my opinion, I believe museums can and should be both entertaining and educational.

People who support the idea that museum should be a recreational place highlight that museum is a tourist attraction which compete with other sources of recreation for youngster's attention such as cinemas, sports and outdoors activities. With an appealing design and visually spectacular, museums are likely to attract more visitors who are not interested in too much educational context. It is also offer visitors chances to get hands-on experience, for example to use a model of the exhibit to see how it works. As a result, museum becomes a more fascinating and tempting place to young people. Additionally, once they are built for enjoyable purpose, they might have more opportunities to earn enough funding from the government as well as private sources that adequate the number of visitors.

On the other side of the viewpoint there are people who believe museum should provide a worthwhile educational environment. Museum could increase the historical awareness among community by representing the custom, culture and traditions of our ancestors of the museums, it is like a tool that facilitates us to maintain and preserve local and national cultural. Furthermore, when museums are solely built for learning purpose, it is possible an ideal source to find out intriguing information for casual visitors, specialists and educated scholars. They offer more in-depth knowledge for public with various aspects such as history, geography and science by knowledgeable guides.

In conclusion, from a visitor or community perspective, the purpose can also depend on one's point of view. I believe that museums should promote their traditional role of educating and attracting youngster as well as the general public.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783  
Oct 24, 2021   #2
Those who view museums as a means of educating or entertaining are not wrong to focus on this aspect.

This is an opinion discussion sentence. It should not be presented in the restatement + opinion paragraph. There should only be 3 sentences here. The 2 public opinions and your personal opinion nothing more.

In conclusion,

This is not the concluding summary section yet. This is your personal opinion paragraph, the 3nd reasoning paragraph requirement of the prompt. The discussion format for the paragraph is incorrect. By removing the first sentence and developing the paragraph starting at the " I believe" part, the discussion will meet the paragraph presentation requirements. Right now, the personal opinion is the least effective presentation in this essay.

A concluding summary presents the recap of the topic and reasoning paragraphs. It should not represent a continuing discussion as that creates an open-ended essay. An essay without a properly formatted conclusion might recieve a failing mark.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: ABOUT MUSEUM as an attractive and entertaining place for youngsters
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳