Please revise my essay. I really need feedback to improve my writing skill.
Help, it is very difficult to write this essay. The essay may not be logically written.
Could anyone assist me?
The question is that
Awards and prizes are given for excellence in various fields. Do these awards and prizes serve a useful purpose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
I agree that awards and prizes are given for excellence in various fields. In education field, students are respected by parents, admired by teachers and probably selected to enter a famous university. Students who have awards and prizes will have an opportunity to be successful in the globalization.
First, my brother, Karn, becomes the winner of the crossword competition. After winning the competition, he receives and gives a gold medal to his mother, which causes surprises. At first, his mother do not think that he is likely to come in third place; however, when touching the gold medal, she is very delighted and astonished that her son is able to get the it. She is confident that her son, Karn, will bring other achievements which pave the way toward her son's good future.
Second, my sister, Ann, wins a physical competition with a first runner-up. She is one of the representatives that a school chooses. Only one person who gets a silver medal is my sister. When bringing the silver medal to the school, teachers who are responsible for the department recruiting students to compete for the national competitions feel very joyful and surprised. They do not think that she, Ann, is able to get the silver medal because she is not the chosen persons who are apt to be the winner. Moreover, they intend to pick her up for other competitions that make the school famous.
Finally, my cousin, Joe, comes in third place in the political essay competition. He joins the competition because he wants to pursue bachelor degree in politics science in Hardvard University. But, it wants one requirement that if students have a competition concerning politics, they will be likely to be admitted. Therefore, after receiving the bronze medal, he applies for the university with transcripts and the medal.
In conclusion, that people have awards and prizes is one of the standards deemed as success. For students, they become the most valuable indicator that causes those with awards and prizes to have a family prestige, a school reputation and a basis to attend the well-knowledge university.