Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


MY BAD ACCIDENT; Descriptive Paragraph



lcarter5 1 / -  
Nov 18, 2007   #1
My Bad Accident - Paragraph

The night my three daughters and I got into a car accident was very frightening. We were on our way home. Out of nowhere there was a loud BANG. We felt the car jerk and we started going faster. I was in shock, I couldn't move. I looked back and saw a big truck pushing our car through the median into incoming traffic. My kids were screaming. I pushed the brakes with my entire mite. I could smell the burnt rubber. By the grace of god, we stopped right before we went into traffic. My heart was pounding and I was shaking like a leaf. I looked back at my kids again and they were crying. I looked behind the kids and saw the back window was burst out. My kids had glass all over them. I was scared but I had to be strong for my kid. They were crying for their dad. I got out the car to check on the other driver. When I got to her red F-150 truck I smelled alcohol on her breathes. She was intoxicated. My kids and I were rushed to the hospital to get checked out. Everyone was fine. We didn't have a scratch on us. Thank god for seat belt because we could have really gotten hurt. The lady driving the truck went to jail. My two youngest girls are scared to ride in a car at night. The only good thing that came out of all this is that we got four big checks. I brought me a blue Tahoe with the money. This accident is something I will remember the rest of my live.

EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
Nov 19, 2007   #2
Greetings!

That sounds like a truly scary experience! I'm glad it turned out all right! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

I pushed the brakes with my entire might.

I was scared but I had to be strong for my kids.

I got out of the car to check on the other driver. When I got to her red F-150 truck I smelled alcohol on her breath.

Thank God for seat belts because we could have really gotten hurt.

I bought myself a blue Tahoe with the money. This accident is something I will remember the rest of my life.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


Home / Writing Feedback / MY BAD ACCIDENT; Descriptive Paragraph
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳