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'Christmas Eve in Denmark' - a descriptive story (five-paragraph)


adamduun 1 / 3  
Nov 6, 2011   #1
I have got the assignment to write a descriptive story with the conditions that it shall be in five paragraph like this:
1. Introduction
2. Detail 1
3. Detail 2
4. Detail 3
5. Conclusion
I have finished the assignment but i still got a week left so i wonna know whether i am on the right track. Please look at it!

Christmas Eve in Denmark

The most unique day of the year, ending with one evening where the whole family is gathered in one house. Inside the house you feel intense excitement for the day combined with pleasure of being together with your whole family. Warm light wanders across the walls and makes the house shine as a thousand stars from any outside looks. Your mouth waters as you can sense the lovely scent from the delicious food coming directly from the hot oven. The family sits around the huge wooden table, relaxed in the cozy and comfortable chairs. Happy small kids sit in anticipation waiting for Santa Claus to arrive so they can make their wishes for the year. White shiny snow slowly covers the ground and reflects all sorts of colorful lights from various fascinating decorations. Tranquil and calm voices fill the room as the talk goes about all aspects of life. This night is unforgettable.

As the family finishes the dinner and the remaining food is being removed from the table and delicious Ris a'la mande is placed on the table. Everybody fills their bowel to its max with the sticky sweet mass of rice, all hoping they will find the single almond and get the mysterious present. The warm red colorful cherry sauce gives the final touch. An intense silent excitement fills the room as the Ris a'la mande slowly disappears. When the almond finally appears it somehow always end up with one of the small kids which eyes glitters of happiness.

A tall Christmas tree is carried in and can just barely fit in the living room with its fabulous shiny star on the top, nearly touching the ceiling. The enormously huge pine tree reaches out with its fabulous green spruce. The green spruce is decorated with the finest glass stars, shiny balls, reindeers and an endless amount of tempting sugary treats just waiting to be eaten. The whole family holds in hands with each other creating a closed circle around the huge tree and as everybody starts to sing the sugary treats slowly disappears. Meanwhile the green spruce hides mysterious presents and prevents any sight upon them.

The grown-ups sit in the huge shiny sand colored leather sofa and meanwhile the kids shake and touch the mysterious presents trying to figure out which hidden object they contains. The presents look fabulous with the many various shapes, sizes and colors which make every single one unique. The boxes are opened one by one and in no time shiny paper begin to cover the floor. As the objects are revealed to their new cheerful owners, warm hugs filled with love are given to show appreciation.

This is a night which everyone will enjoy and remember year after year. There is a cozy, comfortable and relaxed atmosphere which cheers everybody up. There is incredible food, wonderful present, nice people... There is simply something for everyone. This single night everybody can relax and don't stress. This day reunites families and brings them all together just to have fun and spend time together without any pressure. This is a day we all look forward to so Merry Christmas to you too.

alexmb 2 / 3  
Nov 6, 2011   #2
Inside the house you feel intense excitement for the day combined with pleasure of being together with your whole family.

--- Walking inside, the intense excitement of the day to come combined with the pleasure of being together with the whole family is overwhelming.

Your mouth waters as you can sense the lovely scent from the delicious food coming directly from the hot oven. The family sits around the huge wooden table, relaxed in the cozy and comfortable chairs.

--- As the family sits around the huge wooden table, relaxing in cozy, comfortable chairs our mouths water with the brisk smell of delicious food coming from the hot oven.

I wouldn't use the word fabulous, it doesn't exactly explain the significance of the object. Try beautiful, or some synonym along those lines.

This single night everybody can relax and don't stress.

--- Take out this fragment.

Overall, very good story. Just minor details. Goodluck!!
OP adamduun 1 / 3  
Nov 16, 2011   #3
All right thx i got 94/100 points and was the highest in the class :)


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