Bar chart - the number of activities selected by Australian children in their leisure time

Australian kids and their free-time activities

The bar chart shows the number of actives is selected by Australian children in their leisure time. It gives figures for both boy and girl who aged from 5 to 14 years old. Overall, their activities in free-time tend to be different.

As can be seen from the bar chart, the most popular activities selected in both gender is watching television or videos, it reaches a peak at 100 percent. The second popular activity is electronic and computer game, 80 percent of boys and 60 percent of girls agreed that they are truly keen on this activity. In addition, Boys also prefer some activities such as bike riding, skateboard to art and craft. In fact, the percentage of boys in those activities are always higher roughly 20 than girls. By contrast, fewer boys participate in art and craft about 28 percent compared to approximately 58% of girls.

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@Jason Nguyen
Hi there.

Try to integrate the phrases/thoughts that you have in order to maximize the space that your essay has. If you can do this, you'll be able to focus more on adding depth to your essay. Additionally, you can also try to minimize your usage of filler words - and instead, focus on creating more substance.

The best way for me to showcase how to make these changes would be through incorporating them into your writing.

Observe the following revisions:

As can ... chart, tThe most popular activitiesy selected in both genders is watching ..., it reaches reaching a peak at of 100 percent%. ... is electronics and computer games with 80% for boys and 60% for girls., 80 percent ... activity. In addition, Boys also prefer some boys have a strong preference for activities such as bike riding, and skateboarding compared to arts and crafts.; In fact, the percentage ... are always consistently 20% higher than girls higher roughly 20 than girls. ... participate in arts and crafts at about 28% percent compared to approximately 58% of for girls.

Best of luck in your writing.

@Maria
Special thanks! Hope you have a nice day!