Preferred leisure activities of Australian children; IELTS - Task 1

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

Please find enclosed the chart.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown.
You should write at least 150 words.

The chart illustrates which activities male and female children aged between 5 and 14 in Australia opt to enjoy in their leisure time. Overall, the vast majority of kids are keen on indoor audio-visual entertainments and male younger people tend to be more interested in indoor and outdoor games than female friends are.

More specifically, watching TV or videos is the most fascinating leisure activity in all the Australian children's eyes while another indoor modern entertainment which is electronic or computer games is ranked second with the consensus of around 80% boys and 60% girls. Kinds of outdoor relaxation are not as attractive when there are about 78% boys and nearly 59% girls desire to ride a bicycle and only approximately a half of these amounts wish to join games using half-pipes. The only activity interesting more number of female joiners is art and craft with nearly 60% girls compared with roughly 38% boys.

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The major mistakes are:
male younger people ----> younger males
female friends ????
in all the Australian children's eyes sounds awkward
is ranked second ----> rank second
interesting more number of female joiners ---> interesting larger number of female joiners
You should read more sample essays and prepare your language better.

You are asked to make a report, therefore I think it would be better if you draw some conclussions. For example you can say "From the statistics showed in the chart above it can be deduced that girls prefer to spend their leisure time in handcraft activities while boys opt for sports and outdoor activities" this way you can avod statistics that sometimes can be boring for the reader.

the vast majority of kids is keen .... here the subject becomes "majority"


.... better say "male children"


I feel this sentence is too long and you better break it to two. That would improve its presentation and clarity. : )


I wish if you said it in a more simple tone;
with all Australian children