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Bar Chart which provide an usage of railway among different countries


Ron Weasley 5 / 15 4  
Aug 4, 2015   #1
This is my new writing about a chart. Could you please give me your opinions? Thank you for your contribution ^.^

The table shows details in 2007 for four countries concerning the percentage of population who used railway, how many kilometres each person traveled on average, and the number of tons of cargo was carried. In general, although USA travels least, they transport the largest amount of cargo.

It is worth noting that a few American used rail with only 0.3%, and they did not travel far (about 80 kilometres). However, USA strongly focused on carrying cargo, nearly 2,900 billion tons. This contrasts with Japan where 27% of people used rail, and they traveled far further than other countries (1,980 kilometres). On the other hand, about 23 billion tons of freight was carried.

The two other countries which are most similar are UK and Italy. Both of them had between 5 and 6% population using rail. They traveled from 770 to 780 kilometres, and the amount of cargo UK and Italy carried was approximately the same (22.2% and 21.9% respectively).
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 4, 2015   #2
Hello, I can only help you with grammar because there is no image of the chart. If there is anything that is confusing, I can only state this and you can look at the chart and make the corrections.

The first paragraph you use railway. Do you mean railway system? There is a missing word in the first sentence:"...number of tons of cargo that was carried." The last sentence you could begin with, "Generally, although those in the USA travel the least..." You should avoid using the country to describe travel. The USA can't travel, but people in the USA can travel.

The next sentence, I would rearrange the order of the sentence: "It is worth noting that only 0.3% or only a few Americans use the railway system, and..." Change this sentence: "However, the USA strongly focused on carrying cargo, which was nearly 2,900 billion tons." When you discuss Japan, you could state "rail transport" and delete far.

The next paragraph place "the" before UK. Place a percent sign after 5. Also, you could state "rail transport". The last sentence there are missing words: "...cargo that the UK and Italy..."

I hope this helps you!
OP Ron Weasley 5 / 15 4  
Aug 7, 2015   #3
thank you very much, lcturn87 :))


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