Writing task 1 The bar charts illustrate the money spend on purchasing houses in England and London

HOUSES PRICES IN ENGLAND AND IT'S CAPITAL CITY

Task 1: The bar charts illustrate the average house expenses in England and its capital city - London, and to present the comparison regarding the average house prices between distinct areas of England within the year 2013.

Essay:

The bar charts detail how many average money which spend on purchasing houses in Englans and London in two years (1995 and 2013), and it also compares average house costs between different areas of England 2013.

Overall, it is worth highlighting that London's average house costs was higher than England in both years. Additionally, it is also evident that average house prices of London was dominant among six areas, while Midlands and Northwest was at lowest.

In 1995, there was around $130000 to buy a house in England, which rise to $200000 in nearly 2 latter decades. Meanwhile, this figure was only firstly statistic of London in the initial period, it was thereafter over two times as much as that of initial figure in 2013 ($420000).

Regarding average house prices, $400000 was average costs to owner house in London, which ranked first among six areas given, followed by Southeast, Southwest and Northwest (ranked second:over $300000, ranked third : $270000 and ranked fourth: $200000, respectively). Finally, Midlands and Northeast shared the similar statistic, under and over $100000.

The summary overview is not clear to the reader. A summary must provide a clear sepearation of image identifiers, content placement, and image highlights. This short presentation does not do that. It is difficult to follow and fails to seperate the information in a manner that indicates each image representation. The writer should not compress the information into 1 sentence. Each paragraph has a 3-5 maximum sentence allowance. Use individual sentences instead of a run. The first paragraph immediately starts with a failing preliminary score.

The author continues to use run-on sentences throughout the essay. The doubts and confusion these information create indicates a lack of proper analysis and comparison for the included information. While the writing does become concise, it fails to completely represent a coherent and concise analysis presentation. There is more room for analysis and comparison in each paragraph, provided the writer uses the individual sentence idea presentation format.

@Hanahelen
i don't know if you allowed to use () in your essay?

@thanhthanhghghgh

I think it is acceptable as long as it supports to your idea.