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IELTS Writing Task 2, effect of social networking sites


ndhnif 3 / 6 2  
Mar 17, 2020   #1

destructive to the younger generation?



Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Social networking sites, for example Facebook, are considered by many people have had a destructive impact to the younger generation such as children and teenager, adult and also influence people in society. Even though, I believe that consuming too much social media will bring psychological damage to the human behavior, but for limited interaction, Facebook and other social networking sites will increase relationship between individual.

Before social networking sites made available, it was hard to communicate if the range between individuals span too long. Social networking sites make the communication more effective and faster to connect between locations. Not only for communication media, social networking such as Facebook and Instagram can also be the new source of income as the sites enable people to sell and buy things. This new trend brings out also new occupation such as media influencer.

However, accessing too much social media will bring effect to the brain's ability to perform. Performance of attention will be lowered as human is interested into notification, they will check their gadget immediately as soon as the ping ringing. Apart of that, from my own view, focusing ability of individual will also decrease when they keep turning their attention whenever the notification alert.

On another side, due to high consumption on social media, people sometime neglecting other presents when gathering. They are more focus to interact using social media, than keep the conversation alive through direct conversation and discussion.

In my personal view, I think that social networking sites bring more harm than good to individuals and society. Approaching the idea through brain function, spending too many hours on social networking sites, will lower the attention span of individuals. Many direct social interactions will also be depleted if people decided to connect more through online platform.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 17, 2020   #2
Where is your response to the question:

To what extent do you agree?

The response to this question should have been the last sentence in your prompt paraphrase. What I do read in your prompt paraphrase is that you changed the discussion of the essay. You went from an extent of agreement of disagreement to a reference to:

I believe that consuming too much social media will bring psychological damage to the human behavior, but for limited interaction, Facebook and other social networking sites will increase relationship between individual. That is not the topic being discussed in the essay.

You were being asked to discuss the essay based on a measured agreement or disagreement of the given statement. You decided to discuss damage to human behavior instead. So the reviewer will see this prompt deviation and consider the essay response totally unrelated to the task. Which means, the TA section of this essay will automatically receive a score of 1. Thus ending your quest to achieve a 5 minimum band score. I won't even have to review the other errors as presented in your essay because, those deductions will further lower your score to the point where you really can't go above the 1 band score consideration.
OP ndhnif 3 / 6 2  
Mar 17, 2020   #3
@Holt
Hi Holt, thank you for you response, really appreciate to further my study


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