IELTS bar - post-school qualifications in Australia; 70%<females undergraduate

Hai friends,this is my first post for tsk 1,please correct it,thanks in advance.

Que:The chart below shows the different
levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

Ans:The bar chart depicts the percentage of men and women who enrolled in five different post-school qualifications in Australia in the year 1999.Overall,it can be seen that the highest percentage of females studied Under graduate diploma.Whereas,most of the males were interested in Skilled vocational diploma compared to other qualifications.

Turning to the details of females,it is evident from the graph that,more than 70 per cent of females enrolled in Under graduate diploma,which was the highest among females .The second highest was Bachelor's degree followed by Master's degree and post graduate diploma.The least popular course among women was skilled Vocational diploma,which was 10%.

For males,in contrast,more than 90% of males studied Vocational diploma,which was the most popular course among them. The percentage of males studied Post graduate diploma,Master's degree and Bachelor's degree were 70,60 and 50% respectively. Only 40% of males studied under graduate diploma,which was the lowest.

To conclude,females showed more interest to study Undergraduate diploma,while males showed less interest towards it.Similarly, majority of males enrolled in skilled vocational diploma but only a few females studied that course.

You DO know no pictures attached :D
This is the only one I can share:


Some IELTS practice books commonly keep this area, which is the intro and overview written as one para. However, if you think you need to earn a good score for coherence and cohesion by using paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately, then you don't need to write the intro and overview in the same paragraph.


You don't need to include a conclusion for this part. Perfectly summarize this report including: an intro,an overview, two bodies (similarities and/or diversities)

Sorry Eddie, I tried to upload it but I couldn't.

Here is your graph. ammu1 ;)

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  20140417_07.11.29.png
  

The bar chart depicts shows the percentage...

Here is your sentence...
"Turning to the details of females,it is evident from the graph that,more than 70 per cent of females enrolled in Under graduate diploma,which was the highest among females" is this you mean? The figures for women with undergraduate diploma showed the highest percentage of other females' figures.

Restrict the usage of commas to only where it is absolutely necessary. Alternatively, structure your sentences in such a way so that lesser commas are required.