Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


The basic part a skeleton of every relationship is trust - reliability as a most important trait



hamedmas 27 / 48  
Aug 28, 2014   #1
Hi,
as part of my TOEFL IBT preparation, I've written the following essay. I've tried to write in under TOEFL conditions and timed myself on it. This has been written within 30 minutes. Please let me know what you think and how you would rate it.


The basic part a skeleton of every relationship is trust. I would like to choose people as friends who are intelligent and have senses of humor, but the most important characteristics of friends should be reliable. Friendship without reliability, is not logical, how we can share our secrets with someone who we cannot trust.

Why do we need to choose a person as a friend? In fact, we need those people who help us where we get involved in troubles. We need their sympathy and affection when we have been overwhelmed by grief. In addition, we need friends who can understand us, when we could not response their demands. Hence, to satisfy our demands as a human, we admittedly need to find some close friends.

Nowadays, without reliability, it is hard to have a close relationship with a person. These days, we can find individuals who try to be close with us, because they decide to deceive us to obtain our properties or private information etc. Thereby if we do not know exactly the personality of a person who wants to have a close relationship with us, we may face many difficulties in the future. Thereby, we need those people who we can rely on.

To sum up, based on before mentioned ideas, to choose everybody as a friend, however, being smart or having a sense of humor seems to be attractive, but the most important trait of a person as a close friend is reliability.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Aug 28, 2014   #2
The most important thing you accomplished in this essay is that you understood and successfully answered the prompt. However, the essay is confusing because you mention other traits as well instead of just mentioning one characteristic and spending the rest of the time discussing only that. There was no need to mention any other trait because you were not being asked to mention other traits in the prompt. Your introduction and thesis could have been best served if you immediately presented an overview as to why you believed that reliability is the most important trait in a friend.

This is not a bad essay for something written in 30 minutes. After the scattered first paragraph, you seem to have gotten your direction in the succeeding paragraphs. I would have liked to seen a longer explanation and justification for our belief but I believe that you did a good job using the time allotted.


Home / Writing Feedback / The basic part a skeleton of every relationship is trust - reliability as a most important trait
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳