BEGINNER-WRITING TASK 1: Recycling process of aluminium cans

The diagram explains the way in which aluminium cans are recycled.

Overall, there are six stages in the process, starting with collecting aluminium cans and being reused at the final stage.

Looking at the flowchart, collected aluminium cans are brought to dumpsters. Then, they are delivered to a machine which cleans, sorts, shreds and undergo the compression step. Next, those are heated in a heating machine.

After that, the aluminium liquid is rolled along a conveyor belt and turns into a flatten piece which is 2,5mm-6mm thick. Following this, those aluminium pieces travel to factories where they are manufactured into cans. Finally, those cans are reused again, which the number of recycled cans is at 74% in UK.

(Thanks for your reading!)

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This will not get a passing score in an actual test due to the writer's failure to meet word count, paragraph formatting, and analytical report requirements. A summary overview or short report form is required in all Task 1 essays. This essay totally skipped that concise paragraph presentation. The writer jumped directly to the trending sentence, which is the last part of the summary overview. The summary overview cannot be assessed based on the trending sentence alone.

There are only 108 words witten in a report meant to have at least 150 words. The result? Preliminary scoring deductions based on the missing word count. Additional deductions in the C + C section due to the under explained and analyzed data presentation. This is a 3 paragraph report composed of 3-5 sentences each. The writer needs to have an overall improvement in the aforementioned areas.

I think you could work more by researching model answers for this topic. Note how they use paragraphing (mentioning something again using words with similar meaning), different grammar (don't just use simple sentences! Add varieties to your essay)

You should write complex sentences, for example: ...
instead of Then, they ... compression step. Next, those are heated in ...

I think for the introduction you can say
The diagram gives the information of the process of how aluminium cans are recycled. The process of recycling consists of six stages where it starts with collecting aluminium.