Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


I believe that become an entrepreneur is good choice - business instead of working for a company.



badafebriani17 34 / 41  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for the people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?.

Development in business sector grow rapidly, recently. There are many new business innovations build to getting better salary such as a start-up company. I believe that become an entrepreneur is good choice. Although, many risks but star a company has outweigh the advantages in many sides.

Starting a new business has many benefits. First, this chance to open job opportunities. Many people who unemployment and still become job seekers. Louncing a new start-up company make chance to try their ability in entrepreneur as a worker. This condition can increase their income and productivity so can help government to solve problem especially in jobless rate. Besides, it can make us to be an innovator. For example, handicraft from waste it can rise innovation and build self-esteem like how to change a problem to be income source and it necessary for regularly people, nowadays.

On the other hand, there are some disadvantages for create new corporation. Because high risk for collapse because there is a tight competition with other companies. Example the company with high technology that provides many attractive products. If a company not has equipment that can positioned from the collapse may it will easy go broke. And how cruel the planning to return the corporation in good position. However, the risk is very strong, but I believe the advantages for the start-up corporation is outweigh from the disadvantages.

All in all, there are many unpleasant opportunities that we can experience if we start-up business but the benefit is more than disadvantages, such as it can decrease jobless rate and to fulfill need for self-esteem so it can good chance if it experience properly.

Mathew8 5 / 11  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
Hello Badafebriani17
I have some advice to you

business innovations build to getting better salary such ...
.....to make a to infinitive, after to have to follow by Verb bare Infinitive (get)

This condition (subj) can increase (verb) their income and productivity (obj) so (conj) ...subj... can help (verb) government to solve problem especially in jobless rate (obj)

....you should add subject to complete your compound sentence

handicraft from waste (subj)it (subj) can rise innovation
....double subject
Dioba 68 / 97  
Oct 27, 2016   #3
Hi, let me give some advice, perhaps useful for you.
1.business innovations build to getting better salary such as ...---> to infinitive. It means that after to should be follow by V1/bare infinitive

2. ... but star a company hasthe disadvantages outweigh the ...
3.missspeling word
star ----> start
Louncing --->launching
4.. ... necessary for regularly people, nowadays.---> should be put in initial sentence
Anna94 47 / 50  
Oct 28, 2016   #4
Hello Badafebriani17 here my suggestions for you

1. Development in business sector grow rapidly, recently.
You have to add S in grow because it is singular for "development..." or you can make it plural with reverse it

2. ... business innovations [THAT] build to getting [get]
3. I believe that become an entrepreneur is [A] good choice
4. risks but star [?] >> or you may mean START ?
5. Many people who unemployment >> unemployed
6. Louncing[LAUNCHING] a new start-up company make chance
7. If a company [DO] not has equipment that ...

Notice, there are some error writing [typo], it makes readers hard to understand your writing

Keep practising
GLUCK :D


Home / Writing Feedback / I believe that become an entrepreneur is good choice - business instead of working for a company.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳