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Running own business like Bill Gates or working at a company?


shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Feb 4, 2015   #1
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's world, many people run their own business due to the fact that it offers high profit. However, other people have different point of view and prefer to work in a company as they have a secure job. In my opinion, both sides have own merits and demerits.

There are several advantages of managing a business. First and foremost is that it gives potential to earn huge salary. For example, Bill Gates who is the co-founder and chairman of Microsoft Corporation, one of the best-known entrepreneurs, is the world's wealthiest person in early 2004. Although not all people can be like Gates or the high income is not a guarantee, the possibility to get lucrative money is available. In contrast, people who work at the firm know their annual payment and acquire little opportunity to add more financial.

Secondly, owning a start-up gives people the opportunity to work in a field that they enjoy. They do what they want, allow them to offer innovative products and services to customers. It gives them a sense of personal satisfaction. The last but not least, self employment have full authority to control their company. The most fascinating thing is no one can fire a business person. It will not happen if people work for someone else, they work under control as the company's regulations and also can be discharged anytime.

On the other hand, there are some drawbacks such as long and erratic work hours so that they have less time for personal life. Another bad thing, having a business incurs financial risk. The capital that they invest is in a gamble. Notwithstanding, all those problems can be handled by an understanding of business principle.

In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of plunges into business ownership are clearly greater than the disadvantages. At the same time, being a worker at a company has more low-risk as a consequent of no investment. All in all, it depends on people's perspective of their own aspirations.

fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Feb 4, 2015   #2
Hi Shintachandrade,

I have several comments, questions, and suggestions for your writing, I hope these can increase your writing skill.

GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

other people have different point

other people have different points

both sides have own merits and demerits

why you put "own" in such a sentence?, be careful to use "own"

Although not all people can be like Gates or the high income is not a guarantee

could you re-write this sentence? because I think that this sentence is not parallel.

little opportunity

I think you should put an article here = a little opportunity/ opportunities/ the little opportunity

people who work at the firm know their annual payment and acquire little opportunity to add more financial

I cannot find main sentence here. could you explain to me where is your main sentence in this sentence?
be careful to use adjective clause.

They do what they want, allow them to offer innovative products and services to customers

could you re-write this sentence? why you put a verb after comma? is it parallel?

INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH

In today's world, many people run their own business due to the fact that it offers high profit. However, other people have different point of view and prefer to work in a company as they have a secure job. In my opinion, both sides have own merits and demerits.

Overall, although your first paragraph is clear enough inasmuch as you put your thesis statement and paraphrase the topic question, I utterly believe that your introduction paragraph is going to Out Of Topic in that the question does not ask you the benefits and drawbacks. the question asks you whether the advantages are outweigh the disadvantages. Thus, my suggestion is, you should simplify the topic question first prior to write your introductory paragraph.

What's more, I think you should add more general information in your introduction paragraph to make it much clearer and to attract readers. You are also suggested to give a simple reason in every statement.

VOCABULARY =
I know that you want to increase your vocabularies so you should make sure the vocabularies in your writing is appropriate.

KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY.


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