TOEFL: "what you should believe finally is not others, not any book, but only you" knowledge gained

Hi, everyone!
I would like you to check my essay.
I am going to take toeful for the first time in the end of September.
I am just a beginner. So there will be many mistakes.
Thank you for your kind cooperation ; )

Question

It has been said not everything that is learned is contained in books. Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important why Use specigfic reasons and examples to support your answer.

Answer

When I was a child, my groundmother said that "what you should believe finally is not others, not any book, but only you."

At that time, I couldn't undertand the meaning . But as growing older, I got it gradually.
Now I think my groundmother's message meaned that you should put the importance on the knowledge from your own experiences. I agree with her message. So in this essay, I want to support the importance of knowledge from experiences.

There are two reasons.

First, what is written in books is not always true.Give me an example, When I was a resident, I saw a patient who complained severe headache, fever, and chill. I followed the textbook and diagnosed that she had just a cold. I prescribed some drugs and let her back to house. However, after few days ago, she came to hospital again because the condition become worse. After my senior doctor see her, it turned out that she had a brain cancer. I was really shocked with my misdiagnosis. He told me the very sentence that you must not always believe the knowledge from textbooks. I understand that the ideas written in books don't always apply for everyone. There are always exclusions.

Second, knowledges from experiences are peculiar to individuals.
If you and other person were under the same condition, what you and he or she got from it must be different.
For example, when I and my sister went to a museum, I thought artist was a great job and I wanted to be the one. However, it was boring for my sister and she had decided never to be a artist. considering this story, it is clear that what we get from experience are different between each other. That's why it is so important and has worth being believed.

Moreover, such knowledges are kept on updating in comparison with that from books,which must strengthen the importance of it.

On the other hand, someone must think the importance of ideas from books is very big.
Such people would insist that books enable you to prepare for what you have not experieced yet by providing knowledge.
I think their idea is true. I also agree with the idea that the knowledge in books is great achievement of people living in the old age and it is worth being read by those who live in this age. But what I want to mention here is that you must not believe everything writeen in books and have to understand that there are always exclusions.

In conclusion, I believe that keep reading many books and getting various experiences are both important in order to polish our knowledge.However, if I have to decide which is more precious, I would choose that from experiences because of these reasons.

I believe that the best ways to establish each one's perspective is preparing enough by reading books and getting experiences to make it greater.

Well, you are presenting your introduction in a more sporadic manner.... You have several sentences that do not come in one bunch to form a clear introduction. In this task, you better follow a specific format and an approach. First begin your intro with a good hook and then introduce the background of the issue. Finally state your opinion on the issue very clearly. In your body paras you should justify your opinion by giving reasons a supporting them with specific examples.

When I was a child, my grandmother said that "what you should believe finally is not others, not any book, but only you."

At that time, I couldn't understand the meaning . But as growing older, I got it graded.
Now I think my grandmother's message meant that you should put the importance on the knowledge from your own experiences. I agree with her message. So in this essay, I want to support the importance of knowledge from experiences.

There are two reasons.

Dear dumi ; )
Thank you for your checking.
I'd like you to ask more about my essay.
How do you think about body paras?
Did you think that are they strong enough to support my opinion?

Dear mashi65

Thank you for correcting my spelling ; )