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Some believe that taking a year off between school and college is a top-notch decision

bxddxst 1 / 5 3  
Aug 31, 2018   #1
Hi guys, this is my essay regarding IELTS self-preparation. I am looking for any IELTS Writing feedback in which they are able to assess my essay from Task Response (TR) , Coherence and Cohesion (CC), Lexical Resource (LR), and Grammatical Range Accuracy (GRA). I may intensely contact you often to get some exposure in IELTS Writing section.

the "gap year" essay

"Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion."

Most people believe that taking a year off between school and college is a top-notch decision, while others put it as the conversial one. The two sights are going to be discussed and I will consider through my opinion.

Society assume that gap year is slightly pricy as students probably spend their whole time to travel and not preparing for the college test. They tend to waste their time hopefully to get a self discovery through exploring some places, but in the fact, it seems it does not effectively effect to their self improvement. Finally, they do not have much time to sit in college test and their intention to go to the college as they wish is absolutely gone.

Conversely, gap year enthusiasts think that this helps them to consider which major suits their needs or passion. For example, a gap year taker will be flexible to attend many seminars regarding future plan in hope they will build a clear goal, at least for their own life. If they do it properly, they will particularly success in both university and job field. Thus gap year benefits them in the tunnel to figure out how they may set their future life.

Overall, I suppose that a year off process brings its positivity in which it outweighs the bad impact to society. It can be concluded that taking gap year will securely protect them from misleading major as the future demands them to be success in both academic and real hands-on practical process.
sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Aug 31, 2018   #2
Hi. Since I am not an advanced writer, so I am unable to assess your essay based on the four criterias.

First, the IETLS task 2 requires 250 words, however you've just barely exceed it. I think you should write more next time.

Second, the prompt asks you:
"Consider both sides of this debate"
"and present your own opinion."

So your paragragh should be in this structure:
-View 1
-View 2
You've missed your POV paragraph.

Third, grammar errors:
-"Society The publics assume" . The society in your context, I found it very weird language to read it.
-"FinallyAs a result, they do not have ..."

-"They tend to waste their time ..." . I would write They spend their time in a hope of getting themselves value adventures in some places. However, it leads to the adverse effect in which those stundents get no improvements

Finally, I see your sentences structures and lexical usages are not really precise, maybe it's because of your first time. I hope my feedbacks will help you and better luck in your next writing.
OP bxddxst 1 / 5 3  
Aug 31, 2018   #3
Thank you so much for your feedback, I hope I will ace this writing task 2 since I need to regist myself to the 15th August Real Test
Eram01 2 / 5 1  
Aug 31, 2018   #4
You should write a thesis statement with your general opinion rather than this "The two sights are going to ..."

You need to work on sentence structure. It is difficult to depict ideas from your sentences. Wrong use of collocation e.g securely protect,major suits,effectively effect.

You need to work hard on your writing. Start from the grammar. Read books like official guide to Cambridge and The Key to IELTS Success.

You must know how writing is marked i-e
Task achievement,
Coherence and cohesion
Lexical resource
Grammar and vocab..

Improve your writing accordingly. Read how band 6,7,8,9 are marked it would help you to practice in the right direction.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,974 4811  
Sep 1, 2018   #5
Alif, had it not been for the run on sentence in the first presentation of your prompt paraphrase, it would have gotten you an admirable score in terms of Task Accuracy considerations. Don't separate 2 ideas with a comma. Use a period. This is a test that wants to assess how well you can state facts individually rather than a confusing long sentence. A long sentence does not equal a complex sentence. Remember that.

Your second paragraph would have been stronger and clearer in presentation if you had omitted the little developed last sentence. The last sentence that you put in was a different discussion topic and needed more development in order to qualify for a better C&C score as part of the original paragraph discussion.

While you do present a personal opinion discussion, what your essay clearly lacks of the summary conclusion. That is the last paragraph that ties together the whole discussion based on the given reasons in the body of the paragraph. That is what you need to develop during your next practice test that uses a similar prompt requirement.

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