The most beneficial Discovery for people in my country in the last 100 years

What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country?
Over last 100 years, there are a lot of the significant discovery contributing many benefits for people in my country in particular and all over the world in general. From my point of view, Internet has been most beneficial due to the following reasons:

With development of the Internet, updating news is faster than ever. For example, there has been recently an airplane-crash in US. Although, it is far away from my country, it took a few minute for people can know about that collision by means of the Internet. Comparing to the past, it would have to spend least one day to convey news to people through newspaper.

In the past, people contacted with relatives or friends through letters which make them fidget and spend too much time waiting the next one. Now, owing to Internet, it is easier for people in long distances to talk as in person and know what they are doing, how their situation are. Moreover, people can make friends all over the world through social networks such as: Facebook, Skype, Yahoo or Twitter.

Owing to the spread and development of Internet, people can make a lot of jobs. The most typical job is the online shopping which saves traveling time, is easier to choose goods for consumers as well as saves labor and store lease expenditure for sellers. Besides, Internet can make jobs for housewives who want to both take care of their children and earn money.

In a nutshell, it is very useful for people to udpate news, communicate and make jobs through the Internet. Hence, I believe that Internet has been most beneficial for people all around the world.

With development of the Internet and updating news is faster than ever.
it took a few minutes for people across the country to to recieve information about the collision by means of the Internet.
There are sentences you have that are not complete.

(eliminate the first comma)



--> what do you mean?



--> You just used "owing to" in the second paragraph. Try not to repeat yourself. Replace it with other phrases like "thanks to" or "by dint of".


--> you'd better use "In conclusion" or "In summary",... instead.


Always use "the" before "Internet".

Thank u so much. I really appreciate your help!

You've barely begun to address your subject!

What's the length requirement for this?

There is lots of fact here but not nearly enough analysis.

Please accept this in the helpful spirit in which it's intended...

A lot of students worry about grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. Those things are important, but they are about one-tenth as important as answering the question and showing that you know how to think.

Grammar and mechanics do require attention, but that comes last---almost never first.

In this paper, your usage needs work but it wouldn't be the problem that lowers your grade or score.

Are you preparing for a test?

yep, exactly it is TOEFL ibt test but I feel that is rearlly hard to think and write as the native speaker. Do you help any efficient advice?

this has several isssues :( grammar, clarity, presentation :(
there are a lot of significant discoveries


.... you mentioned about your country and therefore you need to have a connection;
...it took only a few minutes for us to know
You need to pay attention to your grammar and clarity. Keep practicing and post your essays here... Also, include the purpose (IELTS, TOEFL, GRE????) in your post so that you expect to receive more relevant feed backs.