Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK 2 : THE BENEFIT OF THE INTERNET FOR COMMUNICATION AND LITERATURE


aseprudi 20 / 29 16  
Jun 13, 2015   #1
It is generally believed that the Internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not the best place to find information.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Answer:

The Internet is of a wide range of benefit for inhabitants. For this reason, international computer network serves people in order to be linked without a huge obstacle all over the world since they could be rendered outstanding features from the social media. As a coin has two sides, the dire consequence is also available on the Internet such inaccurate information creating people should be extremely cautious when they go online. In my opinion, Internet connection enables societies to build profitable business as these days it is convenient way to be true.

The high-speed Internet provides a proper way for people to communicate because they could be connected through social media such Skype. Take the Royal Family as an example. They quite often operate the Skype for interpersonal communication. Prices Charles sometimes uses it when he requires to be helped by Princes Harry. Also, a few years back, Queen contacted Princes Harry when she was on duty in Afghanistan. Therefore, they could keep in touch even though they are separated from far distance. Without the internet, people could not be linked one another easily.

On the other hand, the broadband internet is not perfect place for seeking accurate information as there are some erroneous information appeared at the internet. To exemplify, people should be very cautious about using Wikipedia. The information is posted by anonymous author and the expertise is not taken into consideration. Furthermore, people may be read some out-dated information because it is not updated. Consequently, people obtain incorrect information.

I am of notion, the internet is an effective way for conducting business because it enables people to sell or purchase branded goods. For instance, in the meantime, people could work in business in online shop. In addition for this, internet-banking can be operated in order to maintain people's business.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although international computer network renders positive development in regular communication, it also provides detrimental effect since the information sometimes is inaccurate. Where possible, people should be extremely careful when they incorporate articles through the internet.

BLisa - / 12 6  
Jun 15, 2015   #2
Hi Asep,

Overall, the content of your essay is great. However, the level of formality you write with should be determined by the expectations of your audience and your purpose. In the first paragraph, I found that you use an idiom "As a coin has two sides ". It is acceptable for speaking, but avoid using slang or idiomatic expressions in academic writing.

Good Job!
shintacandrade 10 / 74 87  
Jun 15, 2015   #3
Asep,
As far as I am concern, we have to paraphrase the words and stucture in IELTS writing. However, in certain kinds of words and phrases should not be changed because they cannot be stated in any other way. This called shared language:

1. Proper nouns
2. Common nouns that are difficult to reword efficiently
3. Technical terms
4. Numbers and dates

Therefore, I suggest you not to paraphrase 'the Internet'. Let me give you a try:

The aforementioned evidence shows that although international computer networkthe Internet renders positive developments in regularthe term of communication, it also providesbrings detrimental effects since the information sometimes is inaccurate. Where possible, people should be extremely careful when they incorporatetake articles throughfrom the internet [i]or you can write people need to double-check the source of the information.[/i]

Hope it helps. Good luck!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : THE BENEFIT OF THE INTERNET FOR COMMUNICATION AND LITERATURE