Hello guys, please left comment here to support my next essay to be better than before!! Bold sentence is given by the book, so I'm trying to write a counter argument paragraph below it. Your feedback is very welcome. Thank you for your concern.
One Idea Paragraph
The main benefit of modern technology is that people's live are much more convenient. This is because we are able to do many things without having to stay at the office or home, something which is extremely important given the busy lifestyle of today. For example, most people now have a mobile phone or laptop computer, and Wi-Fi is available in virtually every place. As a result, people are able to do their homework, liaise with colleagues or friends, and check their emails anywhere they choose such as in coffee shops or while travelling on a train or bus. There is no doubt that this has improved people's lives in many ways and this would not have been possible without improved technology.
However, one of the biggest concerns about modern technology today is Social Isolation. It increases dramatically since the introduction of Internet which support sophisticated devices better than before. As it can be seen from the facts that, a great number of people are spending more time for playing video games, learning how to use new cutting-edge gadget, using social networks and they neglect their real life. As consequences, technology has replaced our old way of interacting. If a user can easily interact with 100 friends online, they will feel no need to going out to make real friends which at a later stage leads to loneliness. Therefore, It is evident that modern technology is likely to deteriorate our social connection each others if it is not compensated with awareness user to use modern technology wisely.
Multiple Idea Paragraph
There is no doubt that modern technology has improved people's live in many ways. Firstly, people's live are much more convenient because we have devices such as mobile phones, meaning that people can communicate when and where they like, not just in the office or home. In addition, people are living much longer lives due to the advance in medical technology, with doctors now able to carry out complicated heart surgery and other operations that were not possible many years ago. People's live have also improved around the home. Evidence of this can be seen with all the devices that are now readily available to people that save time such as microwaves, washing machines, and dish washers. None of this would have been possible without advances in technology.
However, there are several opinions that mentioned the drawbacks are also likely to occur. Although sophisticated technology has improve people's live and give a great number of easiness ,there is no doubt that modern technology will give effect to social life. Social isolation is one of main problem since people are spending more for time playing video games, learning how to use new modern technologies, using social networks and they neglect their real life. Another reason, cutting-edge technology will increase the number of unemployment. Robots are doing the jobs which used to be done by humans. This is good news for businesses because it helps them increasing their profit and serve customers in time, but it is bad news to employees because they get replaced by a robot.
These are my corrections for your writing
... since the introduction of THE Internet which supportS sophisticated devices ...
... that, a great LARGE number of people are (...), learning how to use THE new cutting-edge gadget, AND using social networks...
As consequences, THE technology has replaced our old way of interacting (You do not need this sentence because you explained make explain again). If a user USERS OF THE ADVANCE TECHNOLOGY can easily interact with 100 ...
... mobile phones, meaning that SO people can communicate whenEVER and whereVER they like, not just in ...
Although THE sophisticated technology has improve ENHANCED people's live and give a great number PLENTY of easiness ,there is no doubt (REPETITIVE) that THE modern technology will ...
Social isolation is one of main problemS since people are (...) new modern technologies, AND using social networks and SO THAT they neglect their real life. Another reason, IS THAT THE cutting-edge technology will increase the number of unemployment AS SOME ROLES IN A WORKPLACE CAN BE TAKEN OVER BY THE SHOPISTICATED TECHNOLGY SUCH AS A ROBOT.
... because it helps them increasing ENTREPRENEURS TO BOOST their profit and serve customers in time MORE EFFICIENT, but it is bad AWFUL news to employees (...) replaced by a THE robot.
OVERALL, IT IS A GOOD JOB