Benefits and drawbacks of sharing information

should some information be concealed?

Regarding to sharing data, certain people agree on revealing as much as possible whilst as far as I am concerned, some information should be concealed due to several factors, including competitiveness and privacy.

Initially, it is undeniable that sharing information would be helpful with a view to enhancing general benefit as people can make use of those data and improve their work performance.For instance, people preparing for the IELTS test join certain communities on social media where they can bring up relevant excercises as well as useful advices. As a result, general efficiency has made remarkable progress and members tend to achieve proper score. On the other hand, relationship could be strengthened through sharing information since supports are normally appreciated. An illustration for this statement could appear when people publish urgent news on media platform as certain comments and feedbacks from family and friends show gratefulness as well as appreciation, paving the way for people to get along with each other.

Despite the apparent advantage of sharing information, some data should not be revealed as it would cause lacking competitiveness. Competing plays a crucial role in motvating people to strive for better results in work and study. Therefore, incapable of making breakthroughs and laziness could be considered as the consequences of sharing information widely. An example for this issue is in Vietnam, there is a number of students are dealing with assignments regardless of effort since they use presentations from the Internet having the same content as their lessons, leading to lack of dilligence and creativity. Apart from previous statement, another drawback can be taken into account is that some data relating to national security or development is confidential. As a matter of fact, leaking those would be accounted as a criminal and sentenced to different punishments.

In summary, sharing information could receive certain benefits. Nevertheless, from my point of view, information should not be revealed freely and before publishing any data, people should consider the chance of risk.

You have overwritten this essay to the point where it may not be possible for you to complete this 40 minute task as required. The reasoning paragraphs are too long. You need to shorten it. Use less sentences to prove your point. Try to explain your ideas within 5 sentences in each of the 2 reasoning paragraphs. That way you will not have a word count problem. Yes, write too little and you fail the test, write too much and you fail the test just the same. An open ended essay, which is the only possible outcome for this type of writing, will always result in a failing score. When written without a conclusion, the examiner will automatically fail the test taker. So do not write more than 300 words to ensure that you will close the essay properly.

@TryToWrite
I think you could potentially cut the two body paragraphs in half and combine that to make a third, making it more structured.