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dxtnnam 2 / 5  
Nov 18, 2019   #1

taking part in house work

Undoubtedly , sharing housework has a myriad of benefits to each members and the family relationship itself . First and foremost , sharing houseworks means reduce the burden on an individual's shoulder . As we all know , the world is is going on the non-stop acceleration of industrialization followed by a hectic lifestyle which more or less compromises our personal relationship. In order to bring home the bacon , our parents have to work all day long and even sometimes be on extra shift . And we , the students , spend most of our time at school . Coming back home , there is a heap of homework and school projects . At the end of the day , every one has automatically worn out . Thus , there's housework needed being done . If an individual , for instance a wife , has to do all the work , she will find herself miserable and physically as well as mentally intolerable . As a result , there's a high chance of a family tragedy aka divorce . That goes to show a tremendous benefit of sharing housework . It not only reduces the burden but also creates a positive atmosphere in the family .Being the smallest child in the family , I also notice some other benefits worth mentioning . Doing housework is just like a nice exercise to improve your well-being . It also has a major impact on children . When doing housework , it's all about team work , time management and self-discipline . In my personal point of view , taking part in house work somehow shows my gratitude for my parents' effort of raising me . Furthermore , it's just like a statement that I've grown up to desire to contribute to the family

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Nov 19, 2019   #2
Hello there! Thanks for being back in the forum. I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.

First and foremost, be cautious of the small mistakes that you sporadically and typically make in the writing. For example, small details such as capitalization, spacing, and appropriate usage of punctuation marks are all key parts of the writing itself. This means that you should be able to integrate writing techniques that are solidly patterned, making it appear more that you are well-aware of the consequences that come with writing.

In the latter parts of the writing, I think that you should have opted to have a more compartmentalized and prioritized formatting and structure. You jumped immediately from the core parts of the paragraph to your own personal experiences without necessarily giving out a smoother way of transition. This makes your writing weaker in terms of organization because the readers cannot fully tell what they should anticipate from the writing.