vocational education, university education or study abroad?
After finishing high school, there are many ways for students to choose, for example: vocational education, university education, to study abroad... Among them, university education is the most popular choice. So why is that? In knowledge-based society, parents all want their children to have good future, so knowledge is the best way. In order to not fall back in the developing word, especially in knowledge, the orientation right from high school is very important. During this time in university education, students will gain knowledge from general subjects to specialized subjects. The knowledge system from micro to macro, from theory to practice. After 4 years of university study, the students will build a solid knowledge base for themselves. Besides, there are many clubs on all aspects from Economics, Politics to soft skills in the university environment. The clubs are places where you can get acquainted with the seniors above, learn and experience to renew yourself, creating a foundation for a solid future. Through the above, we can summarize that higher education provide students with knowledge and skills needed to find work and an environment to accumulate knowledge about different fields.
"After finishing high school, there are ...": because it is the introducing sentence, I hope that you could make it more attractive
" In knowledge-based society, parents ...": I think it is not enough persuadable
"In order to not fall back in the developing ...": you just need to study? I want deeper.
I think you just need to choose fewer ideas, but focus to analyze deeper. It will make your essay more valuable to read, because now I think it is so general.
After finishing your essay, you could use grammar to check you Grammar again.
You tried in your write up.
You just need to work on the spellings.
All the best
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15393 Did you write this essay for a Task 2 essay or for an English class? The presentation is really too short for a formal writing essay. It should be at least 250 words. You only wrote 189 words. That is equivalent to yes, only one paragraph. However, your paragraph is not effectively written as you combine various topics in one presentation. Such a confusing presentation makes it difficult for the reader to follow your train of thought. From the way I read your essay, you should have about 4 paragraphs for this topic. These 4 paragraphs should have been properly developed as individual paragraphs. Since the topics are not clearly discussed, your presentation is heavily under developed and requires further improvement.
Kindly remember to post at least the type of essay you are writing for next time so that I can have a better idea of how to professionally review your presentation. Giving the original prompt requirement for my reference would be best. It will tell me all I need to know about analyzing your work beyond a simple review as I am doing now. By the way you have mistakes in spelling and grammar within this presentation. It isn't so bad though, I still understood what you have to say. It is just that, you will be scored on grammar in the actual test and even the least of errors can pull your score down.