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Many benefits of taking up a job before starting to attend a university, but also a few drawbacks


ryan31 65 / 96 15  
Oct 3, 2016   #1
Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.

Discuss what the advantages and disadvantage might be for people who do this


Some people believe that rising generation after graduated from school to pick up a job for a couple of years before going to the university. I am more likely to agree with this statement due to one of a great way before going university is working since to obtain some skills and much money for tuition paid. There are many benefits of taking up a job before starting to attend a university, but could be a few drawbacks as well.

There is an advantage for directly to go to a university such as students can use time as good as possible to study further and get more academic qualifications. This is due to want to speed up study time and pursue degree to find a job. For example, students have to focus on their study for better future. As a result, students did not have more skills after graduated and difficult to survive in work circumstance. There is no doubt that experience before study is important to enhance soft skills.

Turning to the benefit of get a job before study, students have a lot of time to prepare some skils and much money. This is owing to works guide real life skills for instance deal with other people, manage time and control money. Consequently, It prepares students for the future. It is makes student more independence because students approximately use own money and habitual talk with other people.

In conclusion, students have to prepare before go to university such as find a job to fill their leisure time after graduated from senior high school because it is important for student activities in campus or workplace after graduated from university. Although, doing work spend much time, it is pivotal for improve skills and mental in real life, especially independence to have much money for paid tuition fee and do not rely on parents.

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Oct 3, 2016   #2
Hi ryan, It's a nice essay but here is some thoughts for you

Some people believe that rising generation after graduated from school to pick up a job ...this clause need a verb.

it is better to give readers a short breath when read a sentence. As an alternative, You can make the sentence above into two sentences

Turning to the benefit of geting a job (...) prepare some skill s and to earn much money.

... to prepare before going to university such as finding a job to fill their leisure ...

Best regard
MFES2016 5 / 6 2  
Oct 4, 2016   #3
Hallo...
Let me give you some advice..

>>> Turning to the benefit of getgetting a job before study
>>> students have a lot of time to prepare some skilsskills and much money
>>> It is makesmakes student
>>> before gogoing to the university such as find a job to fill their leisure time
fleurdj 2 / 4  
Oct 4, 2016   #4
There are many benefits of taking up a job before starting to attend a university, but could be a few drawbacks as well.

State the benefits and drawbacks in a thesis statement
erwiin1 9 / 17  
Oct 4, 2016   #5
Hello, ryan31!

Your essay is good, but I would give you corrections

1. This is due to want (wanting ) to speed up study time and pursue a degree to find a job. The verb want may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

2. Turning to the benefit of get (getting ) a job before study. The verb get may be in the wrong form after the preposition of. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

3. It is makes (makes ) student more independence. It appears that the form of the verb makes does not work with is in this sentence.

Thank you
eve01 24 / 40 5  
Oct 22, 2016   #6
hi ryan ^,^
i would like to give some notes for your essay
>>> for + verb+ING and to +verb1

There is anare advantages for directly to going to a university such as ... ( because you mentioned two advantages) .

As athis results in students did not ...

Turning to the benefit of getting a job before studying ,

Consequently, It prepares students for the future job . It is makes (double verb) students more independence because students approximately use their own money and habitual talk withto other people.

... it is pivotalcrucialfor to improve their skills and mental in real life

keep writing broo (^.^)
kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Oct 22, 2016   #7
Hi! I have some feedback for you!

In conclusion, students ... should be
In conclusion, students have to prepare before attending university by finding a proper job to fill their leisure time after released from senior high school as it is important for their activities in campus or workplace after graduated from university.

... improve skills and mental in real life, especially independence to ... should be
Although doing work will spent much time, it is pivotal to improve their skills and mental in real life especially in order to create an independent personality so that they can have money for their college paid tuition fee and do not rely on parents.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 22, 2016   #8
Hi Riandi, as I go through the essay, I must say that you are still having difficulties in your essay, specially when it comes to your linking verbs, this is minor, however, it will become a major one when it's not treated properly, what I mean is, you have to try and include this in your sentences, every time you write, should you do this more often, you will be able to manage a well written essay without any difficulties in sending your ideas across your readers.

Having said that, please find a few enhancements below;

- Some people believe that the rising generation
- after graduatedof graduates from school
- to pick up a job forafter a couple of years
- before going to the university is increasing .
- due to onethe fact that this isof a great way before
- going to the university, is working
- sincein order to obtain some skills
- and muchmore money for tuition be paid. - There are many benefits ofin taking up a job
- but there could be a few drawbacks as well.

There you have it Riandi, as you can see there's still quiet a few remarks and corrections done in order to enhance and strengthen your essay, I hope this helps.


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