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IELTS: best way to improve public health; lack of exercise


puman 6 / 13 1  
Mar 20, 2014   #1
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, most of individuals are living in a busy world with lack of spending time exercise. Some argue that the construction of sports infrastructures can increase the willing of doing sports. However, others believe that should be associated with other measures. In this essay, I would argue that integrated measure is a better choice.

There is no doubt that establishing the large number of sports facilities is significance and convenience to individuals. Most of them need to endure the pressure from workplace or school, and the pressure cause them receive an unhealthy body condition, such as obesity, cardiovascular disease and gastrointestinal disease. The solution for these problem is spending time exercise, and list doing sports in their routine. That is to say, offering citizens suitable places can help them to create a regular lifestyle and improve their health condition.

On the other hand, enhancing the figures of leisure center and recreation are one of the solutions to affect positively public health. Some argue that the use of sports facilities is restricted by time, seasons and location. Therefore, they are not suitable for all citizens. In this pursuing effectiveness world, the modern diseases are triggered by various facts, such as eating unhealthy food and keeping awake all night. Governments and health authorities ought to deliver health education information among people and strengthen awareness on health issue from elementary school. This creates the importance of health body to people.

In conclusion, apart from increasing the number of sports infrastructures, promoting the importance of health body should be involved in the measures. I believe no single action can solve the problem effectively which must be resolved by integrated solution.

hakuyo1112 6 / 9  
Mar 20, 2014   #2
There is no doubt that establishing the large number of sports facilities is significance and convenience to individuals- significant and convenient to individuals
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Mar 21, 2014   #3
Nowadays, most of individuals are livinglead busy lives and pay little attention to physicalin a busy world with lack of spending time exercises. Some argue that the construction of sports infrastructures can increase the willing of doingpromote encouraging people to do exercisessports.

In this essay, I would argue that integrated measure is a better choice.

It's better you expressed your opinion directly rather than having vague statements like the above.
OP puman 6 / 13 1  
Mar 29, 2014   #4
That is a good change, and nail down the information I want to show to readers.
dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Mar 30, 2014   #5
There is no doubt that establishing the large number of sports facilities is significance and conveniencecan significantly contribute to enhance the convenience of people to do physical exercisesindividuals . Most of them need to endure the pressure frompeople suffer from sever stress at workplace or school. (make a stop here and no comma)and the pressureStress causesthem receive an unhealthy body conditions , such as obesity, cardiovascular disease and gastrointestinal disease. The solution for these problem is spending time for physical exercises ,
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Mar 30, 2014   #6
In this essay, I would argue that integrated measure is a better choice.

For me, the phrase 'In this essay' doesn't add value for your essay. This can be categorized as verbose phrase. You'd better leave it out for the whole essays you have.

Nowadays, most of individuals are living in a busy world with lack of spending time exercise.

This is too long to be hook.
Let me give a try:
People with a sedentary job generally need more exercise.
Hope this helps :D
zztrieuman 3 / 4 1  
Mar 30, 2014   #7
However, others believe that should be associated with other measures

Did you miss "this" between "that" and "should"???

In this essay, I would argue that integrated measure is a better choice.

I think you should not use some meaningless phrase such as"In this essay"_everybody know this is your essay, not another ones' essay.you should state directly to your opinion. My teacher taught that-_-


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