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IELTS ; What is the best way to reduce crime?



fatihy007 3 / 7  
Dec 11, 2013   #1
Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime .Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Which IELTS band do you think it can score? and what is your general comments and recommendation.
Thanks in advance.

All around the globe, crime is as present as ever. While any attempting to stop it, is some kind of foolishness, measures should be introduce to reduce its rate .a lot of people believe that the best measure is to judge the criminal for long sentences. Others, myself included, are of the opinion that alternative measures could be applied to address the problem.

To begin, some people think that, they can simply rid of criminal by sending them to the prison for long penalties. However, this idea can bring some benefits. One of them is to prevent those criminals from committing another crime. Also, the fear from the thought of spending long year behind the prison walls, shall has tremendous effect on reducing crime rate.

In contrast, others could think out of the box to address this problem. the new statistics and researches have proven that most of the criminals are committing crimes under the effect of drugs. Therefore, by offering them a suitable medical care, in addition to clean our streets up from drugs, shall give a very convenient result.

Furthermore, another solution is to divide the long prison sentences between the prison and the unpaid community service. In other words, the prisoner can spend a part of his sentence in the prison having a suitable training and learn how he can manage a well-balanced life. After that, the authority can let him to join the unpaid community service, and for sure this can be done just then, the doctors and the specialist recommendation. Anyway this step can be his first step to be honest citizen instead of criminal.

In conclusion, both sides are considerable and have their benefits. but I outweigh not to give the prisoners a long prison sentences.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Dec 11, 2013   #2
All around the globe, crime is as present as ever.

All around the globe, crime is something that is inevitably present.

While any attempting to stop it, is some kind of foolishness, measures should be introduce to reduce its rate .

What does this sentence mean? It sounds too abrupt and your flow does not continue disturbing the reader to follow your idea.

.aA lot of people believe that the best measure is to judge the criminal for long sentences.

.... your prompt is not about judging criminals, but punishing criminals.
Many people believe that criminals should be punished with longer prison sentences in order to arrest the crime rate.
Please note IELTS essays should be opened in Writing Feedback forum !
SreeSam 12 / 38  
Dec 11, 2013   #3
1. Need to improve your grammar & punctuation

2. Try writing simple sentences & make it clear for the reader.


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