Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 4

The best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs

cherryblossom 6 / 11 3  
Jul 28, 2022   #1
It is shown that many criminals have a low level of education. Some people argue that the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs when they leave prison.

Do you agree or disagree?

It is a fact that many criminals are uneducated and thus unable to find a decent job. Due to this, many people say that incorporating education into incarceration is the optimal way to prevent those ex-offenders from recidivism after release. Personally, I completely agree that there is no better approach than this idea of bringing knowledge into jail.

The first reason is that job training can give the lawbreakers a chance to start a crime-free life. Many criminals after being given back freedom feel completely lost in the outside society. They do not have the slightest idea of how to earn a living because of the lack of skills pertaining to any jobs. As a result, the stress to support themselves when the cost of living is ever-increasing can make them relapse into criminal behaviour again. However, by inmate education, the professional skillset is already equipped when the release date comes which will give those convicts a sense of confidence and self-reliance.

Furthermore, it seems to me that when it comes to a solution to recidivism, any other pales into insignificance due to its ephemeral nature compared to how education can exert a long-lasting effect. Take post-prison monitoring as an example. This kind of measure will be downgraded gradually as time goes by, therefore, the possible threat is that the criminal will go on to another crime as the bad intention has taken root in his head. However, with rehabilitation programs and job training, this possibility will be greatly ruled out as wrongdoers are given a new purpose in life. This is enough to keep them away from descending into a criminal lifestyle again.

In conclusion, I believe that education is the best measure in assisting poorly-educated convicts to integrate into society as it not only gives criminals the opportunity to land a job after release but also has a positive and lasting impact in the long run.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4247  
Jul 28, 2022   #2
Do not refer to a statement of fact. It is incorrect to say an idea is factual and correct when no reference is made in the essay. Keep the general statement feel of the original presentation. No information is right, none is wrong either. There is only a statement of idea, nothing more. Since this is not an extent essay, the response is incorrectly formatted. This is a simple (dis)agree presentation. Learn to recognize the difference in discussion modes.

Nothing should "seem" anything to the writer as this weakens his opinion statement. Either he supports the idea or not. There is no "probably" in the discussion. It will lower the TA score in relation to opinion clarity. Do not question your own opinion.

The run-on sentence at the end of the concluding summary will not work. These need to be separated into at least 3 sentences. Run-on presentations will always result in failing GRA scores.

The problems should be decreasing with your writing presentations by now. Yet more problems are coming up. Why is that? Are you truly listening to the lessons I am teaching or are you mixing teaching styles in your presentation which results in this kind of writing. If that is the case, you have to go back to the teacher whose writing style is more comfortable for you. I cannot continue to teach someone who is not listening to me. Listen to the teacher you believe in, who is obviously not me.
OP cherryblossom 6 / 11 3  
Jul 28, 2022   #3
I'm sorry if my essay upset you. I promise that there will not be such problem in my next attempt! By the way, I'm self-studying so you can be sure that there is no mixing teaching styles. Again, sorry for this continuing mistake!
Iloveielts 8 / 16 1  
Jul 30, 2022   #4
Ielts is not a test for vocabulary, try to simplify your words as they do not help you get a higher bandscore but just confuse the examiner with the ZOMBIE words. The second paragraph seems alright as you use the suitable vocabulary but still miss the TR aspect since you have to match the end of the paragraph with your topic sentence. DO not say sth different as this makes your argument lack of evidence and strength of viewpoint. The conclusion should have a sentence for prediction/recommendation.

Home / Writing Feedback / The best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prison to help them find jobs