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IELTS 2 - Fair Judgement - the best way to reduce crime is by giving longer prison?

nguyenvuong 3 / 4 2  
Jun 14, 2019   #1

Judgement must be fair and just

"Some people think the best way to reduce crime is by giving longer prison sentence. Other, however, think there are better alternative ways to reduce it. Discuss both views and give your opinions"

Reducing crime is one of biggest national concerns of many countries. Some people argue that those committing a crime will not likely to do it again should they be sentenced a harsher punishment such as serving a longer jail time. While this argument can be agreed on, others think that there can be more human and alternative ways to tackle this issue.

It is undeniable that if one commit a crime, they should be punished; and the punishment depends on how dangerous the action is. A large number of people, however, think that if the punishment is not harsh enough in many cases. If the sentence is not just and satisfactory, it cannot be a good lesson for those who make serious crime such as murder, rape, or terrorist acts, etc. They believe that a harsher and fairer should be made to prevent these kind of actions in the future.

While the above-given argument can be true, others think that instead of focusing on the sentence, we should find a way to stop it from happening. In many developed countries, the number of prisons is significant less than those in developing world because the efficient involvement of governments, schools, and family in educating the younger generation on what is bad and good. It is widely believed that those who are well educated will not likely to make illegal and harmful actions.

To conclude, I believe that it depends very much on the situation to make a fair judgement. If the action is judged as extremely dangerous, the criminals must get a deserved sentence. Likewise, we can give a way to those who make illegal actions unintentionally to realise their mistakes and to start it over again. Whatever the judgement may be, it must be fair and just.
solivagant 8 / 15 6  
Jun 14, 2019   #2
Hi @nguyenvuong
I reckon it would be more easy for a reader to follow the whole essay, if you included your opinion in the introduction.

Also, you`ve made some grammatical mistakes which I would like to correct:

..., however, think are concerned that if the punishment ...
... and fairer punishment should be ...
because of the efficient ...
acynguyen0909 3 / 7 1  
Jun 15, 2019   #3
Hi guy,

I think a thesis statement should be written in the opening paragraph. Your essay will be more coherent.

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