The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school.
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
As educating children about cooperation in life is a major concern of many people, there is a debate about whether taking part in team sports at school is the best way to do so. I completely disagree with this point of view because the limit effect I has on some children and some inappropriate behaviors may occurs.
Firstly, participating in a specific sport requires both interest and capability of children. It can be seen easily that children who are not interested in sports or physically disabled cannot play sports with their friends. For example, basketball is not a good option for children who have difficulty walking, whereas other activities such as joining in a music band or an art club may be a better choice for them.
In addition, playing sports sometimes can cause many circumstances which will break solidarity between participants. For instance, football, the most popular team sport in Viet Nam, attracts many children. Even though it can be used to teach children to join hands with the others to win a game, it sometimes causes a problem, where children with an advanced skill look down on amateurs, not only by criticizing words but also physical abuse.
In conclusion, teaching cooperation to children through team sports may apply for some, but it is not the best approach because of the drawbacks that I mentioned above.
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The essay is only 229 words. It is far too short of the required 250 minimum words. Ordinarily, this would result in an automatic failure. Which it still might at this point due to the word count deductions. However, it may not be a fully disappointing failure because you will earn points for some proper aspects of this presentation. What are the proper aspects?
First, you have shown a clear understanding of the prompt topic in your restatement. You have clearly represented the original prompt with a complete rewording of the same. Additionally, your prompt restatement is on point and well developed in terms of thesis presentation. However, you neglected to use the correct punctuation mark at the end of the paragraph, which will cause you GRA deductions. Another error in that paragraph is the way that you indicated "occurs" instead of occur". There is a difference in the word presentation in relation to time frame reference. You are saying it will "occur" in the future. The word you used indicates that it is currently happening, which is not the discussion reference point for this prompt.
Second, you stayed focused on proving your opinion point to be the one that should be seen as correct throughout the 2 reasoning paragraphs. Something most students fail to do in this type of discussion. You have shown that you are familiar with the writing instructions and have done your best to follow the instructions. The problem, is that the reasoning paragraphs require 3-5 sentences. You provide only 2 sentences each. There is also the problem of the constant use of commas when new sentences should be presented. These are the reasons why your GRA score will be further reduced.
Finally, the concluding summary is incorrectly provided as well. The format for that last paragraph should be at least 2 sentences totalling at least 40 words. It must also properly restate the previous topic and reasoning points in a summarized form. This is not fully present in this presentation.
It is for these reasons that the essay cannot receive a passing score even though you did a good enough job in the presentation. Avoid these errors next time to gain a passing score.