Is better for kids to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than at secondary?

IELTS TASK 2:

Learning foreign languages in elementary school

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years , the question of whether students should start to learn a foreign language at elementary school or secondary school has been receiving a great deal of public attention . Although this trend is not without disavantages , the upsides will be far more significant .

There are a number of reasons why children should not be taught a new language at primary school . First , since students at these ages begin to be taught to use their mother tongue , learning two languages at the same time seems to be difficult , esspecially to these ages . In fact, their native language is a bridge between learners and new languages so it is challenge to children to learn a foreign language with no fundamental language . Second , as children in primary school begin to accustom to many subjects , they are likely to be over workload and even exhausted if they have to learn too much subjects simultaneously. This means that they will be afraid of school at the first time , which leads to bad results at school down the road.

Nevertheless , people must acknowledge that this trend also has it own advantages . First , by learning a foreign language as children are in elementary school , they are more likely to use that language fluently than others. It is apparent that learning another language is a long-term process, if a foreign language is taught for children, they will as soon as have their own fundamental knowledge, which can be beneficial for them down the road to get insight into that language . Second , since nowadays more scholarships are offered for students all over the world, being bilingual soon can be a strong point for students . This means that preparing a foreign language for children in elementary school can help them have more chances in the future .

In conclusion , although learning a foreign language in primary school seems to be difficult for children , its benefits down the road are more significant . By learning a foreign language at elementary school , children can easier to take a deep insight into it and have more opportunities.

I really Enjoy the Introduction Paragraph, You add multiple perspectives and put the problem on table, It is a good presentation, The consequent paragraphs are well linked and defend your "neutral" position at the beggining, however conclusion isnt strong enough ( at least for me) I believe that you should talk a little bit more about opportunitues onnthe third paragraph in order to add that final to the essay, Moreover at the end it seems like you take a "with" position about learning a second language, Hence you should make a little thread in the second paragraph, that could lead us to your conclusion position

The essay shows that you have a good understanding of the English language and you are able to explain yourself clearly in the language. However, you weakened your reasoning paragraphs by presenting 2 ideas per paragraph. One idea fully developed, one idea under developed in the presentation paragraph. The best way to score highly in the C&C section will be to focus on explaining on only one reason per paragraph. So in this case, discuss one pro and one con or vice versa. By fully explaining one idea within 3-5 sentences, you create a cohesive and coherent discussion point. You can easily transition to the next discussion using a transition sentence at the end, which would result in an increased GRA score for you as well. When you write the essay, remember that clarity will always help increase your overall score. You don't need several reasons, just one that you can clearly explain to the examiner. He'll appreciate it more and score you accordingly.

@CHRISOD
Have I used the correct grammar in this sentence "children in primary school begin to accustom to many subjects"
I should use passive or active sentence ??

I'm not sure how no one has addressed this issue, but there's no space before a comma.