IELTS task 2; is it better to participate in solo sports like tennis or swimming than a team sport?

Individual vs team sports

Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. While other people think that taking part in individual sports is better, like tennis or swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It would be argued by some that it is better to participate in solo sports like tennis or swimming. In my opinion, however, they should engage in team sports like football.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some think that taking part in individual sports more advantages. Firstly, people who choose solo sports will have opportunities to develop independence. Because there are no helps during the game, they are forced to develop independent thinking and make their own decisions. Those who participate in team sports, by contrast, usually received supports from team members, this reason can prevent them to develop this skill. Secondly, that players in solo sports know that their success depends mostly on their effort, determination, concentration. Therefore, they always have to make every possible effort to achieve their goals.

On the other hand, I would argue that it would be better for people to engage in team sports like football. The reason is that these sports teach players valuable life lessons which they could not from individual sports. The football player is an example, they were taught the way to work effectively in a team environment and sacrifice themselves for the sake of their team. Another reason is these kinds of sports also taught player for leadership which is one of the most important skills in the world nowadays.

In conclusion, although some people think that people should be engaged in individual sports, I personally believe that team sports bring more benefits for them.

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  Task 1
  

I am studying for IELTS too, so I can't give you a good and detailed answer like a native speaker will. However, I can fix some words and sentences for you in tour writing task 2 essay.

Your problem in this essay is overusing simple sentences and misusing of tenses. Also, while you argue in your essay that team sports are better, your paragraph about them is underdeveloped and a little confusing. You should improve your grammar and develope your idea better.

It would be argued by some
I think it is better if you just use simple tense as there is no need for "would" and you can remove "by some". It is argued that...

And you should mention that some people likes to take part in team sports before giving your opinion.
there are a number of reasons why some...
I will change it to "... reasons some people believe that taking part in individual sports has more advantages than team sports".

Because there are no helps
"Help" doesn't have plural form.
Those who ... usually received ...
You should use simple tense here.
... effort, determination and concentration
lessons which they cannot learn from individual sports
The football player is an example,
I would write "Take a football player for example".
they were taught the way ...
Again, no need for past tense.
bring more benefits to them

I will be happy if you take your time reading and helping me with my essays in the future.

Nguyne, who are you arguing with? Why are you arguing? There is no indication of an argument anywhere in the original prompt. Neither is anyone debating with you so that you can argue a point of view. A Task 2 essay is always a discussion where you share an opinion, a point of view, or engage in a discussion. You never argue. Do not use the terms argue or debate in these essays as none of the essay ever require such fighting statements. These are considered exaggerations which could affect your TA score.

Your opening paragraph is a run on sentence. You need at least 3 sentences in order to properly represent a paraphrased discussion. You should also work on using a variation of terms that do not borrow directly from the original prompt. Here is a sample of how you could have approached this essay:

There are some people who believe that there are positive gains to be had from participating in group sports such as soccer. While others believe that individual sports such as badminton and golf provide more benefits. In this essay, I shall compare both points of view prior to offering my own insight on the topic.

In the first paragraph, you started the second sentence with the word "because" which is a connecting word. Thus is cannot be used to open a sentence. Rather than that term, you could have instead used a comma at the end of the first sentence so that you could have immediately gone into the connected sentence that supported the first sentence.

When you discussed the team sports, you should have done that as a separate, stand alone paragraph. Remember a completely developed, coherent and cohesive paragraph discusses only one topic per presentation where you use:

1. Topic sentence
2. Topic Supporting Reasoning 1
3. Topic Supporting Reasoning 2 (optional)
4. Topic Supporting Reasoning 3 (optional)
5. Supporting example

That is the format to be used for the 3 body paragraphs.

Both points of view should come from the public perspective as indicated in the original prompt. Neither can come from your point of view. Your point of view is the 3rd opinion for presentation in the essay. You made a mistake with your point of presentation when it came to this aspect in this particular essay.

Your concluding summary is a single run-on sentence when it should have been at least a 3 sentence summary of the discussion points presented in the essay. You could lose additional TA, C&C, GRA points with this mistake.