IELTS:The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall.

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?
Birth means that Life is going on and on. In modern societies, having children has significantly decreased and they say that by 2030 elderly population in developed countries will have outnumbered the young generation. It is clear that this issue will definitely impact on these states in every aspect of their life if these forecasts come true.

To start with, a decline in birth rate might lead these countries to destruction of life systems. For instance, the less young people they have, the less workforces they can imagine. Therefore, economic problems will begin to appear one by one. Moreover, they might have to receive many migrants from other countries which could have its sub-problems such as cultural threats and an increase in crime rate. Another issue is that it might be necessary for authorities to rise the official retirement age to 70 and even older in order to cover with more workforces. Even though it may look difficult at a first glance, they need to think of some solutions to prevent the upcoming events.

Governments should, firstly, encourage their individuals to have children in many ways, for example, they could reward the families who want to have a child. Secondly, young couples who are about to get married might be freed from paying a year-taxes after the wedding. Thus, there will be a lot of married couples and of course many children. Besides, developed countries can act to establish more friendly centers for migrants and their families because of not many workforces.

To put it in a nutshell, the projected population in these states will age progressively due to low birth rate. This trouble will definitely influence on the future of these societies in a large extent. As a result, some solutions such as stimulating policies for having children must be found.

It is clear that this issue will definitely impact on these states in every aspect of their lives if thesethose forecasts come true.

I think you have written a good essay.

This is not a good hook :( Your hook should be catchy and also meaningful and relevant to your topic.
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This item is highly common.
Use these less common lexical items:
The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...



When you write firstly, secondly, lastly to mention supporting points , I am afraid that you are overusing the linking devices. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.

A helpful tip before taking the exam:
When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.