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IELTS Task 2 Essay - The birth rate begin to fall and the population is aging

nisarahma 2 / 5  
Nov 3, 2017   #1
Write about the following topic:
The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

What effects will these predictons have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

demographic situation in developed countries

Over the next 50 years, developed countries are forecasted to have some some problems such as fall of the birth rate. More than 30% of population of these countries are predicted will be elders with aged 65 and over.

First of all, this can be affected to social and economic aspects in the industrial countries. Due to decreasing of the population, the number the number of productive workers probably become limited. Furthermore, less workers be likely decreasing the tax incomes and increasing the tax outcomes of the countries. For example, the high amount of retired people make official to subside them in healthcare and other things. Thus, the minimum of birth rate probably is cause of several issues in developed countries.

However, some researchers already contribute to solve this case by offering some solutions, such as giving subsidy to family with new-baby-born. Government should provide the family with aid to healthcare for mother and child as well as food for the family. this solution are already used by a few of developed countries such as Australia, Canada, and Japan. In addition, Government should allow more immigrants to their countries, these people are expected to be productive labors in developed countries. Hence, subsidy for new-baby-born family and allowing more immigrants could help solve this issue.

To sum up the writings, decreasing of population, especially productive labors, decreasing the tax incomes and increasing the tax outcomes are the effects of fall of the birth rate. Several solutions that I mention above could probably help to tackle this problem.
LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Nov 3, 2017   #2
Hi, I'd like to give another example of paraphrasing the prompt.

According to estimates. people age 65 and older will make up one third of the population in all but a few developed countries.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,686 4759  
Nov 3, 2017   #3
Nisa, in an IELTS Task 2 essay, unless you are writing a direct question essay, you are expected to first present an explanation of your understanding of the prompt requirements in the opening statement. It is only after that that you can discuss the response to the questions you were provided. Therefore:

The next half century will see the slow decline of the childbirth in first world countries. A third of the popular should be of the international retirement age of 65 or more in these specific countries. This essay will discuss projections of problems that such a situation might bring if the information provided becomes a reality. Regardless of whether it happens or not, it is important that safeguards against the potential problems be put into place this early in the timeline.

The next 2 bodies of paragraph should discuss, on an individual topic basis, one potential problem that will arise, then the potential solution that should be set into motion this early. The last paragraph should be the conclusion as this essay is the kind that can be completed within 4 paragraphs instead of 5.

Good work on the conclusion though. The summary and paraphrasing of the discussion is right on target.
OP nisarahma 2 / 5  
Nov 3, 2017   #4
Thanks for your feedbacks, I forgot to put mini thesis in my first pharagraph.
Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Nov 3, 2017   #5
Hi Nisa, I used to have these kinds of problems too but it is so easy to fix as long as you remember it when you do your writing.

less workers...

Fewworkers would be likely decreased...

some researchers...

Some researchers have already contributed....

Hope that helps.
OP nisarahma 2 / 5  
Nov 4, 2017   #6
hi jimmy, thanks for your feedback it's really helpful for me :)
niennien260 1 / 5  
Nov 12, 2017   #7
I am not master in writing,so there's little I can help you.

I think you can use another way to express,like:
However,some reserachers have already contributed to solve this case.They advocated providing government's subsidies to family with newborn babies.They also suggested that government should cover the expenditure of health care for mother and childs.

I think the original sentence is too long,and the structure is too complicated to understand.So maybe you can try writing in short but precise sentences.Hope this can help you.
OP nisarahma 2 / 5  
Nov 12, 2017   #8
hi, thank you for your suggestion. I assume my writing styles is influenced by my mother language. :D

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