Break after high school has advantages and disadvantages

Could someone please correct my essay?

Most students concern what they are going to do after graduating high school. Taking a break within education process have both positive and negative aspects. This period is like a turning point that conduct young adults towards their future. Below, I will discuss advantage and disadvantages.

Firstly, working or traveling before attending university career have some advantages. This period would prepare a time for adults to explore the world by traveling to get an idea for the career they want to choose. Moreover, this break is a chance to take some rest and have pleasure in their adulthood. However, those who decide to work during this period will get a chance to be independent and also gain experience in working sphere.

Though, there are some disadvantages in having a one year time between the end of high school and enrolling university courses. First, some young people believe that this gap will waste their time in their process of education. Also, this gap is like a turning point that disorients them from pursuing their education. Some youths would find it no more interesting and give up educating. Therefore, they will join the work area without having a profound knowledge or professional skill.

Totally, working or traveling before attending university would have both advantages and disadvantages. From positive view, it may help young people to make a wiser decision about their career due to experiences they have collected during this one year. On negative side, this gap can push them away from pursuing their education. In conclusion, whether it has positive or negative impact on their future depends on their own decision.

Thanks

First, you should include your essay prompt in your post so that we can give you more relevant feed backs. In this case, I guess it is about whether gap is good or bad.


... this gap period offer time for these young guys to decide which field they need to choose and prepare themselves to be ready for college life. They are not adults but young adults or adolescents.

dumi
Thanks :)

opps why can't i open those links??
it says:
We're sorry, but this page was removed or moved to another location.

Please go to the main page: EssayForum.com.
Oops! why can't I access these links??
it says:

We're sorry, but this page was removed or moved to another location.

Please go to the main page: EssayForum.com.

Ohhh...Sorry....no those essays are still there and I have made an error when pasting the links. Hope this would work;

essayforum.com/writing-feedback-3/food-preperation-easier-prepare-has-improved-peoples-lives-19423/
essayforum.com/writing-feedback-3/uneducated-vs-educated-teaches-19068/

If you still can't access them, search for them (at top of this screen on your right hand side - "Essay search") typing "aaa" . Then when you get the next screen, delete "aaa" and click on "member name". There you type "upul" and search.

Then you get the search results of upul and there are four essays.

By the Way, I am trying to write an essay entitled "the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality than any experience we may have" it is an argumental essay and i should take just one side. I have decided to prove that our characteristics we are born with is playing a more fundamental role... the first reason I gave was genetically and i argued that genetics won't get changed.... now i am looking for a second major reason! i couldn't find an essay topic close to mine to take an insight.

could anybody possibly give me a clue??

Well, you can always ague with a counter argument too. You can say that there are still people who are born and grow up in very peaceful environments but still they have very violent nature, or vise verse. However, I feel it is easier if you have taken a moderate stance (that is partially agree and partially disagree ; then you can have one para for DNA and another for experience). Also, I found an interesting essay written on the counter argument here in EF. Have a look: essayforum.com/writing-feedback-3/experience-born-traits-more-effective-26834/

Thanks for your reply and that useful link.
but i think when in an essay it's said: do you agree or disagree or which do you consider the major influence... I should just take one side and write the two paragraphs in supporting my opinion. Is that right?

Yes.... you are right because it is the easiest way to handle this task. Considering the time factor, you should not complicate things and train yourself to maximize the outcome within the stipulated time period. However, you can also take a moderate stance and have each of the two body paras to talk for the two different sides of the argument.


I guess, it is better if you replace this line with a sentence that affirms your position on this argument.