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The brief life of Circus from ancient world in Romans

PHA2016 39 / 62 4  
Sep 20, 2016   #1
The circus is one of the oldest forms of entertainment. History of circus started in ancient romans around sixth century B.C. chariot races were more popular and also gladiator fights and display of exotic animals like elephants and tigers. Over time the site was permanently retired and entertainment was reduced to small bands of travelling performers and animal trainers. However, the circus survive to make a return to its former grandeur in the eighteenth century.

On the other hand, during the late 1700s, an Englishman named Philip Ashley founded the first modern circus. We was skilled rider who invented stunt riding on horseback. He performed in a circus ring and expanded his act to clowns, acrobats, and parade of trained animals.

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abdasyari93 9 / 19  
Sep 21, 2016   #2
Hello @PHA2016, I got some suggestions for your writing.

Here my advice:

1. ... named Philip Ashley founded the first modern circus. ( Pay attention to regular and irregular verbs)

2. WeHe was a skilled rider who invented ... (pay attention in pronoun and the article)
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Sep 24, 2016   #3
Hi Mr. Fatta.
I am delighted to read your summary because you have demonstrated the positive progress. I really appreciate your effort. In this moment, let me finalize yours.

We HE was A skilled rider who invented stunt ...
... acrobats, and a parade of trained TRAINING animals.

Note: Make you sure there needs to Infinitive or gerund. For example

trained animals

, it is actually converted to gerund or you write noun.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 25, 2016   #4
Hi Patta, here's what I think on your essay.

Two things, first, your writing has improved when it comes to the proper association of words in your sentences and their proper placement. However, the forms of the words can still be enhanced, the minor details can also be modified in order to create a complete thought and overall impact of the essay.

Next, the title of the essay says, "The brief life of Circus from ancient world in Romans", and as much as it says, "brief", that doesn't mean that you write an essay that is very short and lacks the relevant information that could've added vital information that depicts the life of a Circus in the Ancient world of the Romans. Overall, it is an essay that could've been better, therefore, I suggest that in your revision, you add a couple more sentences with relevant information.

I hope the above remarks and insights help and I wish to review your revision soon.

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